“Let me tell you something, some days I’m barely hanging on by a thread. Some moments I can’t breathe. Sometimes I get in bed and the bed is vibrating, but it’s not: I’m just shaking,” she wrote, according to PEOPLE.
“All intense feelings are time-consuming: we relish in the good ones, like falling in love or earning a promotion, but we hide from the ones that hurt,” she writes, describing her marriage at its “rocky” point.
King Edmonds reveals how she learned to mentally cope with tough situations and says she has become healthier not only emotionally, but also physically. Now, she has a sense of “gratitude” for the things she’s endured.
“Gratitude for the trauma I’ve experienced because it helps me grow, learn, and empathize to help others,” she writes. “Gratitude for the wrongs that have been done against me because they’ve allowed me to grow in my faith to become a more centered individual.”
She adds: “Gratitude for the complete s—show of my life because I now understand how to thrive under pressure.”
King Edmonds also says some days she can’t “possibly bear the thought of knowing I will have to be separated from my children due to divorce.” She writes that her faith has been “IMMENSELY powerful” in handling the eventuality.
“I visualize this burden and then — as silly as this sounds — I visualize handing it to God (or hand it over to the Universe, but just give it away to something bigger than you),” says the reality star. “I say, ‘I can’t handle it anymore because I can’t go on with my life with this burden.’ So I give it to God.”
Concluding the message, the former Bravo reality star explains that she chooses to not “carry anger” — though, at times, it can be a difficult mantra to follow.
“I made up my mind that I refuse to carry anger. Therefore I am not angry (although I do have many moments of anger),” she writes. “And I refuse to allow my ego to make decisions. (But I still have an ego, I am human afterall.)”
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