Tuesday, April 17, 2018

RHOA Recap: Reunion Part 2 [Episode 20]

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author (Good Tea), and they do not reflect in any way those of iRealHousewives.com.

The second installment of this reunion wasn't as fiery as the first one was or the last one looks to be because the primary purpose was to get Eva and her baby bump out on the stage to see how well she would deliver in season eleven.

We picked up with everyone coming for Porsha over her unapologetic apologies all season long while they showed us a sneak peek of Kim, Kroy and her wig getting out of the car to get ready. Who knew that Kroy had the ability to actually leave the car? Marlo & Porsha's beef became the topic of discussion where everyone called out Porsha for being a hypocrite by waving her fan in Marlo's face, even though Kenya doing the same thing caused Porsha The Streetfighter to brawl at the season six reunion. For YEARS Miss P blamed Kenya and her provoking bull horn for dragging her across the floor, so by her revealing her own Kenya tendencies, kind of invalidates her entire defence to that situation. However Porsha claims to "have changed since then", so I guess that means all her behaviour is justified because she went to one anger management class two years ago.

Marlo's criminal past also got brought up and Kenya didn't miss the opportunity to quip "I never slit anyone's face." Holy fuck. You would think that was shade, but word on the street is that Marlo slashed someone's face with a razor and disfigured them. What the actual fuck. Now I understand WHY she doesn't have a peach. While her seven mugshots do look scary, most of them are for breaking her home arrest probation. I would definitely not feel safe fighting with Marlo. Kenya, her weave and her baby better sleep with one eye open while Miss Hampton is lurking.

Before the girls broke for lunch Porsha stuttered out one last apology for Kandi. She tried to make it seem heartfelt and genuine, but she just needs to keep on going to those acting classes because she is no Meryl Streep. However, both ladies and their wigs agreed to put the past behind them and move on from the dark LesbianGate drama. Do I think they will be best friends? Not a chance in hell, but at least we won't have to watch another season of Porsha and her bad apologies. THEY SEE EACH OTHER!

Andy asked Marlo what she does for a living and she replied with "I dated a billionaire for 10 years." I know that's not career but I'm sure it's full OF jobs of the blow and hand variety. The felon turned sugar baby also claimed that she has a company called Simply Marlo LLC, but after a quick google I'm still confused as to what that actually is, I think it's in the same lane as the She by Sheree September/ Spring/ Summer line. Can you imagine being a 42-year-old sugar baby? It would be the best because you wouldn't have to work, but you'd also have to wake up to the realisation everyday that you're nearly over the hill and still sucking old white dick to pay your power bill. I've been a huge advocate for Marlo to hold a peach but after hearing about her "career" and how handy she is with sharp objects, I can understand why Bravo's been so hesitant.

Porsha also chimed in and announced that she doesn't want anyone to call her a prostitute unless they have proof and Kenya DID NOT MISS A BEAT to remind her of all the times she spilled faux tea about her sleeping with One-Eyed-Africans for cars. I'm pretty sure that Porsha must be a gold fish because she can't remember any of the bullshit that falls out of her big mouth. After their back and forth, Andy proclaimed that from season 11-20, no one is allowed to call each other a prostitute, unless they have sufficient evidence. Let's see how long that lasts. Also, was anyone else loving Porsha and Kenya's blossoming friendship? Those frenemies should be the new duo next season and leave all the other bitches WIG-LESS!

Eva, who was about to pop, joined the group and wasted 20 minutes of the episode that could have gone to Kim and NeNe's feud. The issue of Cynthia's boyfriend's possibly opportunist ways were brought up but I don't give a fuck about this non issue and you shouldn't either. 50 Cynt admitted that she is no longer dating Will, they never had sex and she's now with a new dark skinned guy (Wakanda Forever), so why was the topic of Will even brought up? I understand that they needed Eva at the reunion to help make their discussion about the possible peach next season but no one cares about Will. Like fetch, it's never going to happen. I care more about Kenya's probable fake baby then I care about Cynthia's fake light-skinned boyfriend. We also discovered that Cynthia is basically the Mariah Carey of the group after saying that she's still getting to know Kenya, Porsha and now ANDY?! It's been eight years and 50 Cynt is still getting to know her Big Bravo Boss? Ok Mariah.

Before the dark cloud that is Kim Zolciak joined the group, Andy showed us a video of Kandi making a D challenge rap for all the ladies in Barcelona. They were shady and fun but the one Kandi made about herself showed that she is A REAL FREAK IN THE SHEETS, now I understand why Cynthia had such a lesbian crush on Miss Kandi. I just want everyone to see word for word her kinky rap. Here it is:

"I'm obscene for that D.
She's gotta have it, I'm a fiend for that D.
Bring home a chicken make her cream for that D.
Bust first and then me for that D."

Eva left the reunion with her massive stomach and I'm confident that we will be seeing her again. Although she didn't really have the chance to deliver this season, I think that she is quick witted, real and has a strong clap back game. She also has a new baby and an upcoming wedding, so that storyline writes itself. Don't be surprised if Eva is running around with a peach in her hand next season.

Finally the devil that is Kim and her party city wigs joined the cast on the couch with her big lips, red solo cup and shoes in her hand. What a fucking mess. You could just see everyone seething on the couches, while Sheree got wet seeing her only friend join the semi circle. Porsha was basically sitting on Cynthia's damn lap because she didn't even wanna be near Wig. Kim tried to tell Andy that she looks younger because of the "makeup" but I'm sure that her new lips, nose, hair and face probably played a role in that as well. Can we all take a moment to appreciate how Kenya threw shade like a true professional about Kim having a "higher power":


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Photo Credit: Bravo

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