Wednesday, February 28, 2018

RHOA Recap: Barcelona Breakdown [Episode 14]

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author (Good Tea), and they do not reflect in any way those of iRealHousewives.com.

The Georgia peaches are still in Spain and the wiggatry was in full effect. Sheree has a red curly wig, Cynthia has a blonde curly wig and Kandi has a black wig with bangs and I am not feeling any of these looks. The only look I'm living for is Marlo's QUEEN crown!

The crew assembled in their villa for breakfast and the shade had already begun. For some reason Eva doesn't know what show she is on and thought that she would have a relaxing time abroad with these ladies. Seriously? Does she not have a Bravo subscription? All the ladies were complaining about the villa and She by Sheree even said that her felon boyfriend was sleeping better than she was. Really bitch? Are these heifers forgetting their upbringings because no one in this group was raised eating gold.

All the ladies agreed that Kim was out of line but of course Sheree sat at the back of the table and quietly remembered everything that was said, so she could run back to Kim and fulfil her new job as the bone carrier. They also established that Brielle was throwing double shade in the video by showing the bugs on the floor and that there was no mirror. I don't understand why Brielle is allowed to come for these ladies but none of them can clap back. She needs to stay the fuck off the show unless she's got a peach, but she is peach-less like her mother. Bravo also flashed us back to when Kim came for Kenya over the way that she shaded for Chateau Sheree, but now it's apparently okay in Wig's book to shade NeNe's house? I am so tired of her double standards and lies!

Still at breakfast, Eva came for Shamea for asking if she was a lesbian on national TV, which was a calculated shady move on Shamea's part. Honestly why is Shamea even on this trip? She can't hold her own against Eva who obviously deserves a peach at this point. And why is there ALWAYS lesbian drama in this group? Marlo told Miss Eva to admit if she was dipped in the lady pond because she if she has, then she'll have to back peddle like Porsha. HA! Of course Porsha got offended but Bravo provided us with a slew of Miss Williams' back peddling moments. The flashbacks will always catch you out. Finally NeNe emerged and announced that she (and by she, I mean the producers) found a hotel that they ladies can stay in to get out of this villa.

The ladies rode into town and 50 Cynt had to check that everyone was successfully ticking off their bucket list tasks which prompted Marlo to suggest that Cynthia have to kiss a bitch. Are they seriously talking about lesbian stuff again? Maybe they all need to just all have an orgy to get their homosexual tendencies out of the way. 50 Cynt has been itching to slip her tongue down one of these girl's throats since she landed in Europe. After Kandi & Sheree both refused to dip and do it with Cynthia, Porsha stepped up to the plate and gave Cynthia a peck, who tried to slip a tongue in. Why is Porsha trying to play so innocent? Kiss Cynthia like you were kissing Kandi in that club! Maybe the should have been pouring that brown juice!

The girls jumped off their bus and went go carting. Cynthia was wearing a t-shirt with the names of the all the classic supermodels and she added her name in sharpie on the side. HA! I AM LIVING FOR THIS! The girls roamed around Barcelona in the go-carts and these hoes were on the actual road. Is that allowed? It shouldn't be considering Porsha crashed hers. After the crash, the woman went out for lunch and tried to be messy and order in Spanish. That poor waiter. The 50 Cynt Bucket List called for everybody to eat a delicacy, so all the woman decided to eat a fish. Should it be a delicacy since they fought about that exact thing all last season? Vegan Porsha also ate octopus, but I guess her vegan rules went out the door when she arrived in Spain.

The conversation moved back to RoachGate and NeNe wanted Sheree to run back to Wig and tell her that her behaviour was wrong, but the bone carrier sat there and said she's going to tell her about the conversation but she’s not gonna call her out on it. Ugh. Miss Whitfield is the ultimate fence sitter and she's so far up Wig's ass right now that it's just sad. Also, Wig literally kept the roach video and the photo of NeNe's car parked in a handicapped spot and then just held it for mad day. Who wants to be friends with someone that's just holding shit to throw at you. That is a trashy motherfucker!

During the lunch, Marlo decided that she wasn't getting enough camera time and butted in saying that Porsha needs to talk to Kim. I don't know if Marlo is drunk or thirsty for a check (probably both) but she was being messy. Miss Hampton started taking cheap shots at Porsha and everyone could see where this was going. Somehow everyone's house was getting brought into the drama and now Cynthia's IKEA furniture and Porsha's tiny doormat were being questioned. What the fuck is happening? Miss Williams started CRYING because her mom gave her the doormat that Marlo shaded. Is this bitch for real?

The tears prompted Marlo to bring up LesbianGate AGAIN, which is the ultimate dig you can throw at Porsha. No matter what she can't clap back at that because she was in the wrong. That dig caused Porsha to pop the fuck off and talk about "working hard" for the mat and waved her fan up in Marlo's face, Kenya style, and Marlo grabbed the fucking fan which made everyone get up and run because no one in this group needs another mugshot and Porsha definitely didn't need a FOURTH physical altercation under her belt. But NeNe managed to grab the vodka, which was obviously the most important factor in this situation. Thank God someone remembered the Absolute.


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