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RHOBH Recap: Unfashionably Late [Episode 5]

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author (Good Tea), and they do not reflect in any way those of

This episode had more filler than Lisa Rinna's lips. Vanderpump Rules is so much better than RHOBH this season, so maybe they need to upgrade a few of those SURvers to Housewives to try and even out the playing field.

Dorito is reinventing the swimwear line that she retired when she met PK and became his professional sugar baby. The faux British housewife was in her business meeting when she forgot that she had a lunch date with Teddi. The accountability coach believed their date was at 4 and waited for almost an hour while Dorito was busy in her meeting. When Dorito finally called Teddi at 4.50pm, they decided to call it a night because Teddi wanted to see her kids. If someone had stood me up for almost an hour I'd probably be annoyed enough to leave as well. I think when you are close friends, tardy behaviour is acceptable but in a new relationship it's just rude.

Both girls complained to Kyle about their meeting and now Dorito is changing the narrative to say that she believed they were meeting at 4.30. Is this really what this show has come to? I had to watch at least four meals in one episode where the two girls talked to other people about Dorito's poor time management skills. BRING BRANDI BACK!

Erika only had a brief appearance in this episode and spilled the tea that her 78-year-old husband Tom was in a car crash and broke his ankle. The sex symbol told Kyle and her right hand gay assistant that it was the first time she realised that he could die one day, let's just hope that she's in his will to get everything because she needs enough money to keep her Erika Jayne empire going. Imagine being married to someone who's nearly 80, do you think they even have sex anymore? I'm hoping we get some good scenes out of Erika this year because her and Rinna are the only people saving face on this slowly sinking franchise.

Speaking of Queen Lisa Rinna, she filled in for Kelly Ripa on Live and reminisced about how she almost got her job. Thank the lords above that she didn't because then she wouldn't have joined RHOBH and given us epic moments. Everything happens for a reason! Lisa Rinna has the best life on this show. She's rich, has two modelling daughters, she's married to Harry Fucking Hamlin and is still a successful actress in her own right without this show. Winning!

Kyle is making two new shows "inspired" by her life, which brings the grand total up to three. She definetly has to be making bank at this point. Aside from the floods of money that she will receive, Kyle was sad because she couldn't share the news with her two sisters and cried to Dorito about the passive aggressive relationship. As long as Kim is off the booze I don't think she gives a fuck what Kyle is up to, I think that Kathy Hilton is the one who's pissed at Kyle and was probably even more angry when she saw Kyle talking about their strained relationship on the show again.

After their lunch (there were approximately 87 lunches in this episode) Dorito went back to LVP to spill the tea about Kyle crying. LVP was obviously jealous that Kyle decided to fake cry in front of Dorito instead of her and kept insisting that Kyle and Dorito aren't that close. Fuck me, shut up and sit down Grandma Vanderpump. This is obviously the start of their three way friend war. Side note: Dorito was wearing purple thigh high boots and a baggy white t-shirt which made her look like a cheap Russian hooker who got locked out of her hotel room and couldn't back in. It wasn't a good look and I think that her stylist hates her.

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesday nights at 9pm/8c on Bravo! For International TV Listings, click here!

Photo Credit: Bravo