.png)
Disclaimer: This contains dark humor and lots of shade - the recap is based only on the opinion of the author, not to be taken so seriously! It's the day after her dramatic dinner party, and Ampika is getting her hair done when she's joined by friends and 'agony aunts' Nick and Royston. She dishes the gossip on what happened the night before as they listen eagerly, soaking up every delicious drop of drama. She had an issue with Dawn over her weight loss comments, and Tanya and Lauren faced off, but it was nothing in comparison to Ampika's shocking revelation that she was a mistress. She doesn't think the other women will ever understand her situation, and Nick and Royston cheer her on - somehow without showing any expression in their face at all. Botox must be BIG business in Cheshire.
While Ampika tells herself she's doing the right thing, new friends Magali and Lauren meet for coffee and a chat in the park, and of course talk turns to the girls only dinner party. Lauren has known Ampika for years, and feels like her outburst just came from a place of emotion and Magali feels like behind all the fabulous thesard, deep down inside Ampika just isn't truly happy. Despite Lauren knowing Ampika for so long, even she hasn't met the mystery man, which is a pretty worrying sign. "The problem with these men is they have too much money and can buy what they want," Magali says. "It's not love. Love is not for sale." AMEN!
Lauren thinks the rest of the girls are good fun, but they're just worlds apart from the Cheshire she knows. She may even be the wildest one of them all, but she's a lot more eloquent when doing so. Lauren brings up Leanne, whom she says seemed very calm, and honestly at this point I had forgotten Leanne was a part of this show. Well let's be real, at this point I think the only one who hadn't forgot Leanne was a part of this show is Leanne.
"Mumager" Dawn is at home spending some alone time with Darby. Dawn knows she is pushy, in my opinion aggressively so, and Darby feels like she is too strict with them. Let's face facts, Dawn is no Kris Jenner. If you recall, in last week's episode, Dawn made some pretty controversial comments about Alula, even alluding to the fact that some members may need to lose weight if they want to succeed as a band. Well, after a little digging on social media recently, it turns out one of the members has actually left the trio and been replaced. Let's hope this was by her own choice and not because their Mumager felt she didn't fit into the band for any reason other than vocal ability.
Regardless of the band, Darby asks when her mum will be going to have a hysterectomy that she needs to have done, because of course she is worried about her, but her mother keeps putting it off. It's a serious issue, but Dawn promises she will sort it out.
Tanya is stressed out about the launch party for her book 'Just A Girl Who Got It All', so Leanne (zzz) brings a crystal healer to her house to calm her. Tanya has worked hard on the book for the past four years, and it's about making your dream a reality, like she has. Hey, if that book can somehow make my dream of Leanne not being on this show a reality, then I'm buying three copies!
After her dinner party revelation, Ampika feels it's best to explain everything to Tanya, so they meet for drinks. Tanya asks what her situation is, and Ampika reveals that despite her outburst, her man isn't married...You know when you just suddenly out yourself as a cheat at a dinner party on camera? Yeah it's never happened to me either. Ampika's man has supposedly never been married and she feels like his 'bit on the side' and is pretty sure no one understands her. It's hard not to feel a little bad for Ampika honestly. Despite her garbled outburst, everybody deserves their 'fairytale ending'. If you know it'll never get there with someone, you have to move on as you never know what you could be missing, which is pretty much what Tanya tries to tell her too. Ampika, girl, you deserve and are worth more than this guy. There's only so much holding on and hoping he will change that you can do.
It's the day of the book launch and Tanya, Ampika and Leanne are meeting to have vampire facials, a treatment where they take blood from your arm and inject it into your face. Yeah, I don't understand it either...Despite being scared of needles, Ampika is willing to try it, and Tanya is pretty adamant that she'll do anything to make herself look younger, which is worrying as she's beautiful and honestly doesn't need any of these silly treatments. The ladies mention Dawn's 'fat' comment and Lapdog Leanne rears her head again, immediately jumping to Dawn's defence. She claims the issue wasn't with Dawn, but with the Alula girls, who themselves felt uncomfortable about their looks, so Dawn told them to do something about it. Ampika felt they looked great and is pretty frustrated with Leanne not seeing her side of the discussion. "Speaking to Leanne is like speaking to someone who's gone to sleep, but their eyes are still open," Ampika says in her confessional scene, and I couldn't agree more. Look, if Leanne was a colour, she'd be beige.
Tanya isn't that thrilled about the thought of seeing Lauren after their clash, but she is willing to give Magali a fair chance seeing as she's only been judging her on what the other women choose to tell her. When it comes to Magali, Leanne says she's prepared to forgive and forget, and we can all tell that's a lie. I'm very curious to know what Leanne feels Magali has done that she needs to be forgiven for, because so far we haven't seen anything other than Magali being pounced on for the sake of a storyline.
Lapdog Leanne 'randomly' happens to turn up at Dawn's house while cameras just 'happen' to be there, ready. It's all too coincidental. Dawn isn't at home, so Leanne and Darby talk about Dawn's hysterectomy. Leanne feels Dawn is frightened, which is kind of understandable, but Leanne's desperation for a story, any story, even if it isn't her own, is embarrasing. She has nothing going on in her life, so she's clinging on to Dawn's life as hard as her press-on nails can hold her.
Magali and Lauren are driving to Tanya's book launch, and I just love these two. They're so fun, relatable and their personalities bounce off of each other really well. Magali, a well respected published author, had never thought of Tanya as someone that would write a book, especially about positive thinking, and I have to agree. Lauren feels that most people that write books these days don't write them themselves anyway, and she's heard that her new nickname is apparently 'The Lady Of Cheshire', which, to me, is a pretty awesome title. Wear it with pride, Lauren!
.png)
Everyone arrives at the book launch, and despite semi-naked male models spray painted silver, Lauren isn't impressed. The drinks and food aren't up to par, and she definitely does not want to smell of the fish canapés being passed around. As someone that doesn't eat fish, i wouldn't either. It's time for Tanya's speech, so after downing three glasses of champagne, she somehow makes it onto the stage without stumbling, and keeps her speech short, sweet and from the heart. Everyone is impressed, including Lauren.
The event is going well, drinks are flowing and Magali and Tanya even chat, though Tanya is still perturbed that she won't let her call her 'Maggers' - maybe because it's an awful nickname? Ampika and Dawn come face to face for the first time since the dinner party, and despite Ampika's best intentions, nothing gets resolved. Once again, Dawn refuses to really listen to someone else's argument, so they leave the conversation in the same place they started it, whilst in her head, Ampika just wanted to throw the little fish canapés in Dawn's face.
A visit to the bathroom soon brings Magali, who has been enjoying staying out of the drama all night, into the lions den as she runs into Leanne. They try to make small talk, but it's awkward. Magali tries to tell Leanne about her latest book, but looking into Leanne's eyes, the lights are on, and nobody is at home. Leanne then decides this is the perfect moment to bring up the ticket drama at The Creme De La Creme Ball. The same issue that she said she would put behind her in last weeks episode; that Magali had somewhat cleared up with Dawn, and that Leanne was never a part of in the first place. I'm so tired of this girl trying to make herself relevant. It must be exhausting to be Leanne and try so hard to look interesting.
Magali is pretty dumbstruck as Leanne suddenly claims to be upset that she has supposedly talked badly about Dawn, when the truth is Dawn was the one talking badly about Magali, as we have witnessed in previous episodes. Leanne feels she has to stand up for her friend Dawn and fight her corner, and out comes Lapdog Leanne again, as brainless and delusional as ever. Magali is straight forward and tells Leanne she has never spoken badly about Dawn in the fifteen years she has known them, and is understandably frustrated that after all this time, Leanne hasn't taken the time out to even listen to Magali's side and what really happened.
.png)
Desperately clutching at straws, Leanne then claims Magali 'has a reputation' for asking for free tickets. She is attempting to throw anything she can at Magali, and none of it is sticking because it's all ridiculous. Magali turns to walks away from the situation, but Leanne can't stop screaming as Dawn suddenly appears. "Don't stick up for lies," a returning Magali advises her, as Dawn just stands there watching the havoc that her lie regarding Magali's tickets has caused. It's food for thought that Leanne always defends Dawn, yet Dawn stands there, mute, and doesn't say a word to back up her friend Leanne. Very interesting.
Reeling from Leanne attacking her reputation, Magali confidently asks if they should talk about Leanne's reputation, and Leanne's volatile response says it all. She screams for Magali to tell her about her reputation and can not let the comment go. Magali turns and leaves the bathroom as Leanne repeatedly screeches at her to 'back up' her comment, then tells Dawn that Magali is the one that first brought up 'reputation', when it was actually Leanne that did so. She may be trying to appear to be strong, but it's obvious inside she is breaking up, because if anyone on this show has skeletons in their closet, it's possibly Leanne.
Next Time: It's another event where they're not sure if Magali will turn up or not. Some of these women would honestly be lost without her.
Follow Chris on Twitter
Follow @chris_lala
What did you think of The Real Housewives Of Cheshire this week? Leave a comment below and let us know what you think!
Photo Credit: ITVBe
.png&description=RHOCheshire Episode 3 Recap: The Girl Who Got A Reputation){kind=link}