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Yolanda Hadid Recalls The “Many Nights” She “Wished To Die” Amid Lyme Disease Battle; Says “If It Weren’t For My Children, I Don’t Think I Would Be Here Today”

Yolanda Hadid opened up about her ongoing battle with Lyme disease, saying her three children, Gigi Hadid, Bella Hadid, and Anwar Hadid, helped her through the hardest times.

“My decade-long journey was an absolute nightmare, but my diagnosis taught me a lot about life,” Yolanda told Vogue UK, according to Us Weekly. “About how much patience and dedication are needed in order to survive. My ‘new normal’ is much slower and more in tune with who I am.”

The former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star said she has learned to “love my authentic self with all my imperfections,” adding that she is “grateful for every moment I get to spend on this planet with family and friends.”

Hadid, who was diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2012, revealed that there were times where she wished she was dead in order to escape the suffering that the illness caused.

“I can’t begin to describe the darkness, the pain and the hell I lived through every day. For some time, it didn’t even feel like living at all,” she said. “This disease brought me to my knees. Many nights I wished to die and prayed I would just be free of the pain.”

Yolanda revealed that her symptoms included, “severe fatigue, brain fog, memory loss, difficulty with word retrieval, anxiety, insomnia,” which she said left her feeling depressed.

The former Bravo reality star says her children were the reason why she continued to fight her battle with the illness.

“If it weren’t for my children, I don’t think I would be here today,” Yolanda revealed. “It’s so important we learn to listen to people, as many of us are suffering in silence. We should learn not to judge how somebody feels by the way they look on the outside.”

She added: “Looking back, all those difficult times in my life were blessings in disguise.”

Yolanda explained that she has come a long way since she was first diagnosed.

“My life is far from perfect, but I try to keep things in balance. I make sure to get enough sleep, eat organic food as much as possible, I practice yoga and meditate every day,” she told the magazine. “I also sleep with a wearable device called the ‘Wave 1’ by FREmedica. It communicates with your cells through LED light for wellness management. The combination of all these things has me currently living without most of my chronic symptoms.”

She continued, “The emotional and spiritual part of healing is equally as important as the medical diagnosis. My heart is very full. Life has blessed me with an extraordinary partner [boyfriend Joseph Jingoli] who has made me believe in love again.”

The mother-of-three added that she is “doing really well at the moment,” explaining that there is not cure for chronic Lyme disease. “So being in remission is a blessing I cherish every day.”

Photo Credit: Bravo Media/NBCUniversal