Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author (Good Tea), and they do not reflect in any way those of iRealHousewives.com.
We finally got to the moment Housewives loyalists everywhere have waited six months to see: the Boat Ride from Hell. The Big Apple ladies have had one of the best seasons in Housewives history, especially in these times where their sister cities have been giving less than satisfying performances. We've had the friendship of Bethenny and Carole dissolved before our eyes, Luann's iconic arrest, Drunk Dorinda and of course the always entertaining Sonja Morgan and her Townhouse of Wonders so I guess the only way they could top their behaviour was for Bravo to almost kill the entire cast.
Before we can dive into the infamous boat trip, let's talk about the breakfast scene. The episode picked up the morning after Bethenny & Carole AND Dorinda & Luann's simultaneous fights at the same dinner table and the bitchy conversations spilled over into their breakfast meal. Lu was still hurt by Dorinda's insensitive comments about her mugshot and arrest the night before. In true Dorinda Medley fashion, I thought she would regret her drunk behaviour, apologise profusely and continue being merry friends with Luann and her Countess title. Nope. Instead, she doubled down on everything she had said the night before and turned the conversation around to attack Lu even further. Dorinda honey, no. This is not the battle you are going to win. Luann is fresh out of rehab and the fan favourite right now who literally only said "she's getting started," before you unleashed on her. Normally I defend Dorinda to the depths of Housewives Hell, where Kim Richards and Phaedra Parks currently hold residence, but her behaviour is indefensible. The Dorinda and Luann conflict isn't even a complicated one. It's just Lu standing up for herself after going through a traumatic time in her life and her friend who she thought was supportive, kicking her while she's down. Dorinda's still justifying and defending her actions in real time and I don't know if she even believes her own bullshit or just has too much pride and can't climb out of the massive hole she's dug for herself.
Carole and Bethenny's fucked up dynamic also played into this feud as Skinnygirl tried to intervene in Lu and Dorinda's fight and reprimand Doris, even though she had yelled at the whole group for eavesdropping on her conversation with Carole literally the night before, but this is Bethenny's world and these ladies just live in it. While Bethenny added her to cents to the fight, Carole added hers and told her former bestie to stay out of it which just resulted in hostility and another passive-aggressive pissing match between the two. If I have to hear Bethenny cry and say she loves Carole one more time in between talking shit about her and yelling about Radziwill trying to look young then I am going to go to Cartagena and board the boat from Hell myself. We have two episodes left and I still have no idea what they are fighting about. Adam and Bethenny's charity? It's just an odd pile-up of small things which caused the two to unload in their confessionals (and blogs) and reveal how they really feel about each other which causes another fight altogether. Bethenny likes to play the victim and blame her beefs with the other person not liking her, "you just don't like me" should be her tagline next season. She also talked shit and complained about her relationship with Carole while Carole was literally sitting at the table and shared she had never had a falling out with any friend like this. Umm, what is Jill Zarin? Chopped liver?
Somehow after exchanging bitchy remarks all morning Bethenny and Carole made up and everyone went on the boat ride to a house on a private island. This is more the New York ladies style. These women need a mansion on the water where they can bathe in the sun and get drunk. Where Sonja has the freedom to flash her titties as much as she wants and Ramona can boss around the foreign wait staff. Everybody's happy. For the first time in the entire trip, the group actually had some peace and fun. Normally in every Housewives trip, there's some drama and shade but they always end up turning up and having fun together, not this trip. For the past two days, everybody has just played witness to Bethenny Frankel's breakdown but now everyone was finally having fun, except for Dorinda who had the realisation she had been an asshole to Luann. The thing about Dorinda is she really is a kind, genuine, loving person. Of course, she didn’t mean to hurt Luann’s feelings because she’d never intend to make some feel bad but her deep, dark, ugly drunk side comes out and cuts people. It’s her own Singer Stinger but I can’t think of its alliteration just yet. Meddling Medley? I’ll get back to you on that. I love New York because they can rip each other to shreds but then be there for one another in an authentic way, like Bethenny comforting a crying Dorinda or Dorinda hugging it out with Luann. They may not be good today but they are willing to make up, say sorry and move on with life which is why they are the best Housewives of any franchise. You’ll be hard pressed to find anyone who believes otherwise.
Finally, after the group had finally come together they were forced to board their boat due to the bad weather conditions which are never a really good sign. Once aboard the Devil’s spawn of boats, ship got real. Did you see what I did there? Waves were crashing into the boat, water was coming aboard, furniture was flying about, Tinsley and Sonja were screaming about the choppy conditions, Carole was throwing up, sirens were sounding and Lady Morgan’s little Lady Morgan started pissing everywhere, but come on guys, sometimes Sonja has to go commando. What can she say? The boat drama got so bad the cameramen had to stop recording because they risked dying. From my end, the group’s near-death experience didn’t look almost as serious but being on the boat would’ve had a totally different “we’re gonna die vibe” that you probably had to be there to feel.
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Photo Credit: Bravo
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