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RHOP Recap: Hot Gossip, Cold Pizza [Episode 17]

by: Sam Allan from Good Tea
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author (Good Tea), and they do not reflect in any way those of

After the ladies French adventure, we are back in Potomac and I'm less than satisfied. The rolling hills and little villages are cute but it's nothing compared to the B-Roll we see of the busy New York streets on RHONY or the pastel houses and horse and carriage in Charleston on Southern Charm. 

I do like this show, particularly this season, but the reason it's not as a successful as it's neighbouring Bravo shows is that it's Potomac. It's not a place that's happening. It's just a sleepy little town with DC political connections. People obviously aren't just watching for the scenery but the setting does help sell the show. 

Karen is once again at the centre of all controversy. This entire season has revolved around her tax issue, where she lives, if she's getting a divorce, lying her way out of events and who the fuck is her dark shadow that is Matt hanging around. Speaking of her quiet "friend," who has basically become the seventh Housewife on this show (sorry Charrisse) Karen had a meal with him to talk about the rumours Ashley brought up claiming Matt was spilling tea in a gay club about Karen living in a townhouse. I have no doubt that Karen and Matt went through their script before filming the scene because his shocked face looked like the result of a bad beginners improv class. Obviously Karen wanted to do some damage control after the rumour Ashley shared but like usual her PR skills failed. She needs to call Olivia Pope! After filming the season in Karen's wig's shadow Matt has finally come into his own which I'm proud of. Good for Matt. 

His inner fabulosity and bad acting were shining in this meal with Karen who he tried to defend by saying he told Ashley when he first met Karen she lived in a townhouse, which Karen corroborated by saying that was 25 years ago. However, the producers must have a hard-on for Karen and her lies because they flashed us back to the time Matt said he had only known the Grand Dame Deficit for twelve years. Those two things don't add up. As much as Karen tries to direct the narrative and tell her side of the story, she always fucks up. The truth (and producers) are just not on Karen's side which adds to her being the best Housewife on this franchise. Who doesn't love watching a hot mess with a wavering wig line on their screen? 

Someone else with a wavering wig line is Ashley's mom Sheila. Holy shit. If there's anyone who needs to become a Housewife it's this woman. I have no doubt that she would go around pulling wigs off anyone who gets in her way, which is something I admire, but maybe the deadbeat boyfriend would get in the way of cameras coming around? After realising she has no baby to come home to, Ashley visited her mom's new house, which she somehow bought her own. That deadbeat boyfriend has to be a drug dealer because there's no other explanation for getting a house in such a short amount of time. In addition to her new house, Mama Sheila also had a new blonde, synthetic, bob wig which was less than flattering and made her look like Deborah from Accounting. Ashley went there to cry about her husband using her mom's parenting skills as an excuse for not having a baby when in reality he just doesn't want a baby. Michael looks like a geriatric kangaroo, what does he want with a baby at this age? 

Finally, Ashley has seen this but I'm confused why she continues to stay with him, if it's not for the money it should be, because what else is she getting out of the marriage? She wants a baby and he doesn't so they better announce their divorce (or pregnancy) at the reunion because I can't take any more of her whining. At least if she gets pregnant he'll have to pay her child support out of those Australian pockets. Ashley also made the mistake of telling her mom what Michael had said about her parenting skills which set off a fire inside of Sheila's belly and almost made that wig fall off of her head. Does she have the same stylist as Karen because her wigs this season have been hard to watch? I've gone through this season not liking the scenes with Ashley and her mother because they are too dark and sad to watch because there's obviously a deeper issue they aren't talking about which is right under their noses (wink, wink) but now I just find the humour in the scene of her mum running around in a bob wig popping off at her daughter's husband who said bitchy things about. I hope for season four Ashley can dump Michael and stick with the mom because she's better TV and not as fucking annoying as her geriatric kangaroo of a husband. 

Apart from her storyline with her mother and husband, Ashley has sucked this season. She went from being my favourite to giving me a constant headache when she decided to join forces with the Green-Eyed Bandits. Gizelle and Robyn are the worst. It would be one thing if she were friends with them but Ashley has literally crawled into their rectums and is effectively renting a small studio apartment in Robyn's muscly asshole, which is the last place I would want to live, even Karen's bald head under that wig would be a better residence. Anyway, Robyn bought her own house to flip which is, of course, a wreck but she's going to flip it. Gizelle and Ashley walked in all shocked by the house but it's a fucking renovation. It's not like she's going to live there with a banged up kitchen and janky floorboards. No. I'm sick of seeing Gizelle be fake shocked, extra for the cameras and judging everyone else which has effectively been her storyline for this season. 

The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday nights at 8pm/7c on Bravo! For International TV Listings, click here!

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Photo Credit: Bravo