Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Candiace Dillard: “I Don’t Owe These Rusty Broads Anything But A Middle Finger And The Blackest Part Of My Behind”

Candiace Dillard is taking to her Bravo Blog to dish on this week's episode of The Real Housewives of Potomac. Candiace Dillard shares her thoughts on her heated confrontation with Charrisse Jackson Jordan and Gizelle Bryant. 

BravoTV.com: What were you thinking when Charrisse asked you if your mom bought the ring? 
Candiace Dillard: My thoughts aligned completely with what came out of my mouth. It was a shady bitch moment — I said what I said! I try not to be quick to anger (operative word: try), so it wasn’t necessary to pop off on Charrisse in that moment. She knew she was reaching when she fixed her mouth to ask about my ring.

While my family is blessed to be able to provide me with opportunities to grow and work in business together, Chris goes above and beyond to fulfill his duties as a man, as my future husband, and as the head of our family. He has never wanted or had a need to ask my family or my mother for anything — my ring included. As a matter of fact, the ONLY thing Chris has ever asked my parents for is my hand in marriage. He was financially comfortable before he met me, and he will continue to provide for us without a handout from anyone.

BravoTV.com: Tell us about getting emotional in the shop. 
CD: While my emotions are most definitely tied to my tears (I cry when I’m happy, angry, sad... it’s always tears lol), I really didn’t expect to start crying like that! It kind of woke me up to how much I’d been holding in my feelings about wedding planning. I’m a control freak and hate to feel out of control of any situation, so dealing with so many opinions on a day that’s supposed to be all about Chris and I brought out the tears. Wedding planning can be polarizing. It brings out the crazy in people. Friends who you thought would be supportive sometimes aren’t; family who you expect to support you let you down. People showcase their selfishness and their unwarranted opinions...it’s a lot.

All that compounded with tackling the beast that is planning a wedding with blended families is NUTS. I don’t want to let any of my parents down or make them feel like they don’t matter. It’s such a delicate balance, down to the order of my parents’ names on the wedding invitation. What about dances? I have to dance with my dad AND my stepdad, but here comes my mom claiming her role as the most important person in my life and therefore worthy of a dance. And she IS worthy of a dance, but am I diminishing my dad and stepdad by giving my mom a dance as well? Then there’s the aisle walking saga. It’s bad enough that I’m stressed over my dad and stepdad, but my mom also throws her hat in. It’s like...how do I choose? At this point, since I came from Jesus, maybe He should walk me down the aisle so we can just call it a day. Lol!

BravoTV.com: Did you expect saying “shady bitch moment” would turn into such a blow-up with the ladies? Did Hurricane Candiace come out? Tell us about that car ride. 
CD: I had every intention of sitting back and enjoying my trip up to Nemacolin. Ashley did a fabulous job of stocking our shade-wagon with libations, and I just wanted to enjoy my champagne! Monique loves to tell a good story, and no good story is complete without (my) entertaining (and shady) commentary, chyle! The bottom line is, anyone with a pulse and decent fashion sense (read: everyone but Gizelle) knows that what Charrisse said at cryotherapy was shady as hell: a moment in history that could only be categorized as a moment of the shady bitch variety. True tea. Facts. Joggers — whatever you want you call it, it ain’t no lie!

If I’m being honest, what you all saw was closer to Tropical Storm Candiace than Hurricane Candiace. I was laughing at her soggy attempts to be in her feelings and claw at some semblance of relevance. In short, GIRL, BYE. If your name was “bitch,” I would have called you by your name without hesitation. Keep trying me, though. Your number will come up.

The highlight of the whole soirée was drunk Monique (one of my favorite versions of Mo lol) trying to “hold” Charrisse back. Girl, where were you trying to go? Don’t cross this side of the bus unless you’re prepared for another verbal lashing. This “little girl” is always ready.

BravoTV.com: What were you thinking when Gizelle said that you owed Charrisee an apology? 
CD: I don’t owe these rusty broads anything but a middle finger and the blackest part of my behind. Gizelle and her fair-weather friendships. In five minutes, she’ll be talking cash money sh-- about Charrisse, and all be right with the world again.

But since we’re out here requesting apologies all willy nilly and such, allow me to commission a few apologies from Gizelle for her most grossly offensive indiscretions. I am requesting apologies for:
-disrespecting us with a perpetually unblended wig
-the rolls around her neck
-her constant need to subject us to the perils of her Forever 21 fashions
-the unrelenting visual that is her Milk Dud of a sugar daddy, Sherman, holding on for dear life in her "walls"
-the unrelenting visual of said Milk Dud eating that damn strawberry
-for being the tacky, tactless, and just generally the unpleasant person that is Gizelle Bryant

See the full list of infractions in the forward of her science fiction novel due out in 2067 — I’ve already put in my application to ghost read.

BravoTV.com: Tell us about this clash at lunch. What are your thoughts on it now?
CD: It completely baffles me that women who exist squarely on the dime of their estranged husbands would take issue with, find humor in, or place judgment on my financial favor. Girl, you can’t wipe your ass without your WAS-band’s cheques. You sat back and allowed yourselves to become crippled and incapacitated, thinking you were set for life, but life went ahead and put you on notice that you’ve been set up! So now, instead of being able to provide for yourself, your exes do. Wading through the cesspool of eligible, old bachelor meat, hoping the next ashy milk dud of a man will want to take care of you and your dwindling edges. The gag is, NONE OF THIS IS MY STORY.

-Didn’t marry for money — he has his, and I have mine (CHECK)


WELP. Looks like some of you need to spend more time working on your next victim and less time judging me and my coins. We good over here.

What do you think about Candiace’s blog?

The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday nights at 10pm/9c only on Bravo. For International TV Listings click here!

Source/Photo Credit: Bravo

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