Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Vanderpump Rules Recap: Absinthe-Minded [Episode 4]

by: Sam Allan from Good Tea
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author (Good Tea), and they do not reflect in any way those of iRealHousewives.com.

Vanderpump Rules is my drug and I am so fucking addicted. It is literally my favourite show on television right now and it is definitely out doing the entire Real Housewives franchise, from which it came from.

The girls all woke up at Brittany's after they came together to block Jax from potentially entering his apartment. They all ate Taco Bell which is ironic considering Jax was wearing that iconic Taco Bell sweatshirt when he told Brittany about his infidelity. Everything comes full circle. While they ate their delicious Mexican food, Scheana talked about her upcoming Vegas trip with Lala. Katie couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about her former enemy's married sugar daddy, but Scheana claimed that he hasn't been married for two years. Which is a lie because his divorce was only finalized last week. True tea.

Jax came into his apartment while the Witches of WeHo were sitting recovering from their "Fuck Jax" party and he was mad at them for being in his "sanuarty" and said that Brittany wasn't as devastated about the cheating as she claimed to be. Does he want America to hate him? Because he's doing a really good job at it. All the girls started to pipe up about Jax's dumb comments and Brittany hit Jax until he left the apartment. The serial cheater and overall cunt, ended up going to his bedroom and tried to tell Brittany that the other girls were poisoning her thoughts with I Hate Jax propaganda. Umm Jax, maybe YOU did that when you stuck it in Faith's hello kitty.

While Katie, Scheana and Stassi all had front row seats to the Jerry Springer show, the Tom's talked to LVP about their possible business deal. LVP said that they haven't brought anything to the table but isn't the restaurant is named after them? Lisa wanted the boys to pay $120,000 for a 10% share but Sandoval said that was too much money for them, which LVP didn't seem to understand because that is like $20 for her. Schwartz suggested that they pay $50,000 for a 5% share. After Ken and Lisa whispered about it, they settled on that price and TomTom was officially a go. On the ride home the boys danced to Sandoval's terrible song in the car and Ariana still refused to fuck her boyfriend. Just your typical VPR day.

Scheana, Ariana and Lala were all hanging out in her new closet while she packed for her Vegas trip. Scheana Shay's apartment is my version of hell. It's dark and dingy with cheap princess furniture and life size pictures of her on the wall which scare me to my core. It's like Scheana wants the Witches of WeHo to make fun of her. Just saying. Scheana always becomes friends with the outcast of the group, so naturally her and Lala are best friends all of a sudden. She told her about Katie's latest comments on her sugar daddy and Lala was ready to pop someone. I'm so sick of her faux ghetto vibes, your from Utah not New York. Calm down.

As retaliation for Katie dissing her man, Lala brought up that Schwartz made out with her friend after his wedding to Katie. Scheana was "shocked" but there is NO WAY that she didn't know that tea before. This scene was so set up. Lala said that she wasn't going to expose this tea about Schwartz but there was a flashback for a scene where the girl told Lala about their hookup. This girl really needs to stop lying. Lala isn't my favourite SURver, but I died when she said YOUR. GUY. MADE OUT. WITH. MY. FRIEND. I need to make that me ringtone or something.


Vanderpump Rules airs Monday nights at 9pm/8c on Bravo! For International TV Listings, click here!

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Photo Credit: Bravo/NBCUniversal

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