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RHOBH Recap: Bad Guys [Episode 3]

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author (Good Tea), and they do not reflect in any way those of

The ladies are all back from their luxurious Vegas weekend, but money bags Kyle has already taken off for the picturesque coastline of Croatia. It surprises me that she was allowed to travel their without the Bravo cameras and only has to endure a five minute FaceTime with Rinna to get her heavy check. I see you Richards.

Dorito had a dinner for her birthday even though it was already celebrated ad nauseam the week before in Vegas. PK which I understand stands for Phat Kunt, decided to invite all the girls to his wife's boring party at Villa Blanca. Dorito's hair looks like she was waterboarding and it wasn't until she arrived at the restaurant that I realised THAT was the final product. She literally looked like a sad, wet, dog. Camille was also there but does she matter? Season one Camille has left the building and all that is left is a sad shell of a woman that gives fake hellos and gets regular botox.

At the birthday lunch, Dorito's "present" was her son? She cried on the floor like a tired stripper before her son called Erika the bad guy. Of course she's the bad guy have you seen an Erika Jayne concert? The kid then called Lisa Vandercunt a bad guy. which is a probably more accurate description. Obviously Jagger has been hanging around Brandi Glanville. Teddi talked to Erika about how she felt dismissed by her in Vegas. Erika apologised and it was officially the most awkward moment ever. LVP also used her puppeteering skills to make Rinna give Dorito a speech, the same way she made Brandi sing to her a few years back. LVP's tricks are becoming more tired than her recycled confessional looks.

Erika is writing a book, well, getting someone to write her a book. This is very Teresa Giudice. They tell the authors about their life and the author writes it down into a book. I know the game they are playing. Erika talked about her father and how he literally never acknowledged her existence and that she's also only met him three times. The Pretty Mess also spilled the tea that her grandma would send photos of her to the grandpa on her father's side but he would send them back. Now that's cold. Her book meetings took place in the Erika Jayne Clubhouse which is the mothership for gay men everywhere.

Vandercunt, Rinna and Dorito all travelled to Teddi's horse show. Of course Dorito needed to criticise the Lisa's outfits because they weren't wearing a skintight dress and open toed shoes. Is this bitch kidding me? It's a horse show with shit and dirt everywhere and you are walking around in a dress and hells. Get the fuck outta here. On the limo ride over Rinna fangirled over the fact like LVP is officially three years older than her. In my opinion she looks thirty three years older than her but I guess Rinna is just getting better with age. Teddi road her horse and won first place. Horse racing is literally the most boring thing ever so I was hoping for a fail, but it didn't happen. Sad face. Dorito and LVP also continued to zing Rinna which is so boring at this point. Get a new storyline.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesday nights at 9pm/8c on Bravo! For International TV Listings, click here!

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