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The next day Stassi went over to Villa Rosa where LVP was getting her new car. Really bitch? Do you mean to tell me that you didn't organise for your ex employee to see you magically getting your 30th luxury car. I see you Pinky. It turns out that Stassi wants to be an events planner now and thinks SUR is the perfect place. I'm not really following the logic but I guess she needs a storyline. After Lisa welcomed Stassi back into the Sexy Unique Restaurant family, the conversation immediately changed to the latest cheating scandal, where Stassi said she's disappointed she wasn't at the party because she's always wanted to impale someone. That would be pretty cool to have a head sitting on a stick in your apartment, but the head would be Jax's and who wants to look at that swallow lump.
Over at Casa Maloney-Schwartz, Brittany was venting to Katie about dating the human version of a bruised apple and announced her plans to head to Vegas and hoe it up like a single girl. Jax came in to try and speak to her but Miss Southern Belle was not having it.
Finally after their D'n'M, Brittany headed back down the hall to pack for Vegas. Jax tried to follow her around and apologise to her in this weird Taco Bell sweater before he admitted that he slept with Faith. I'm stunned, I thought we had a few more episodes filled with lies and denies before the big reveal. I don't know why I'm surprised that Jax cheated on her, I guess I more faith in him (pardon the pun.) After the admission Brittany cried with her little dog which was the saddest thing ever to watch. Brittany is probably the only person on this show who is an actual good person and now she's dealing with this mess.
I refuse to believe that someone could be that stupid. Did Jax really think that he could have sex with anyone, let alone someone in their group and NOT expect it to get back to Brittany? Maybe he did it because he wanted her to find out, maybe he wanted drama or maybe he just doesn't have two brain cells to rub together because I can't figure out his thought process behind this. The thing that made this reveal even juicer is that it means he DID have sex in the same room as the 95-year-old lady. I have no words.
DJ James Kennedy and his airhead girlfriend Raquel went on over to Pump to try and ask Lord Lisa for new jobs at all the different establishments in her empire. Raquel asked for a job at Vanderpump Dogs and didn't understand what Lisa meant when she asked what she does for a living. I have water in my fridge that's smarter than this girl but Lisa offered her a volunteer position so the joke's on her. James also used this time to try and get his job back at Pump. If he's been fired 458 times before wouldn't he get the hint that he probably isn't welcome there either. LVP is letting him work there on Tuesdays. Well played Vanderpump.
Ariana's brother Jeremy had a birthday party which was so stupid and had literally no point. Everyone was just talking about Jax's latest cheating rumour, Sandoval let Jeremy move back in with them and the word "dude" was uttered around 230 times. That's a drinking game right there. While everybody was bad mouthing the human pumpkin AKA Jax Taylor, Schwartz started crying about having to be a grown up? It was literally the dumbest scene I've ever watched and Sandoval consoled him while tears ruined his makeup. Seriously, tone down on the bronzer - dude.
The Pump also headed down to Long Beach to be the Grand Marshall in another gay pride march. We get it, Lisa Vanderpump loves gay people. Ariana and the Tom's came down to support Lisa, but to also give her a rim job to apologise for last week's shit talking. Schwartz even had the balls to defend Jax to the world but LVP shut the shit down faster than she shuts down Ken's sexual advances. Does Tom Schwartz realise that he looks like a fucking idiot when he tried to defend Jax? Keep your mouth shut bubba.
Vanderpump Rules airs Monday nights at 9pm/8c on Bravo! For International TV Listings, click here!
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Photo Credit: Bravo/NBCUniversal
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