Monday, December 4, 2017

RHOA Recap: Petty Party [Episode 5]

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author (Good Tea), and they do not reflect in any way those of iRealHousewives.com.

The Georgia peaches picked up where they left off which was NeNe's All White Girls & Gays Seafood Soiree. Damn that's a mouth full. Kim was popping off at Kenya for talking about her daughter sucking dick, even though Kim tweeted it in the first place.

I hate the rules where you can't come for Kim's kid, even when Kim's kid is coming for you and when Kim tweeted the exact statement. Kim threw a drink and suddenly Kroy emerged from his car and "rescued" Wig from the party. I think everybody could see that Kim was acting like a mess. I am #TeamKenya

Porsha literally lives DOWN THE STREET from NeNe, so after the explosion, Kim and Sheree stopped by Porsha's Palace to download her on all the juicy tea. Kim said that she flipped because Kenya brought up her "injured son" which is a flat out lie. FAKE NEWS! We saw the tape. It would have been juicy as fuck if Kenya had brought up Kash's botched eye, so I think that Kim is making shit it up rather than producers editing it out. Over at Casa Leakes the girls were dishing on the brawl and NeNe was getting annoyed at Cynthia's constant support of Miss Moore. It's called friendship Linnethia, look it up! And let's be real, Cynthia owes Kenya for Jamaica.

The next day Sheree went over to the Kandi factory to spill all the tea about recent events. Miss Burruss loves some tea but she is going to stay woke when it comes to Sheree's alternative facts. Remember Black Baby Gate of 2011? Sheree told Kandi about the white party fight but she was quick to question if Kenya actually talked about Kash, which Sheree didn't even hear. By the way, I am LOVING Miss Whitfield's braid game! Kandi said that Porsha the street figher would be mad that she missed out on the latest brawl- now she knows how to throw that shade, don't forget that she is related to Mama Joyce. By the way, where has her messy ass been? Sheree also invited Kandi on her San Francisco trip.

Cynthia and her daughter Noelle were talking about life and damn that 18 year-old is wise. Miss Noelle had a boyfriend in Charlotte but decided to break it off because she thinks they need to find their own path first. When did this happen? Just yesterday I remember NeNe was getting turnt in the grocery store because Cynthia let Noelle have a boyfriend. Time really does fly. Cynthia also spilled the tea on her new man Will. He is a WHOLE let better than Peter and much less peach thirsty.

NeNe invited Miss Marlo over to her house and they kikied about her designer clothes in her massive closet. You may not like NeNe, but you got to respect her hustle from the streets to Buckhead. NeNe invited Marlo to San Fran but decided not to tell the other girls because she knew that none of them like Marlo's ass. The diva in all her extra-ness said that she needs to pick her car up from California, so she will meet the girls there. They also discussed NeNe's ongoing beef with Porsha but all that happened was that NeNe screamed "THE DOOR IS CLOSED" over and over. Miss NeNe is very repetitive isn't she.

The ladies all arrived at the airport and it was awkward was hell because Sheree spilled the tea that Kim and her wig weren't coming and Kandi was stuck standing next to Porsha's stank pussy. The Georgia peaches arrived in the San Francisco sun and the shade was ready to be thrown as they piled into their bus. Kenya started quizzing all the single girls on how long they had gone without having sex. Cynthia didn't answer. Porsha said 5 months, HA! Keeping telling yourself that.

Sheree said she hadn't had sex in a year because her boyfriend Tyronne was incarcerated. NeNe was stunned because HE was the reason for their Rich Bitch fight all those years back. I love a flashback. Apparently Sheree and him dated before he went to prison and they recently reconnected. Mmm, that's why it took her so long to build that damn house. It was great to see Sheree talk and be open which obviously means that her peach was on the damn line.


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