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RHOC Recap: Moving In, Moving On And Moving Fast [Episode 5]

I would just like to remind everyone that we are 5 episodes in and we are yet to see all 7 women in the same room. Shannon and Tamra will literally avoid events just so they don't have to see Vicki, I mean why would you sign on to another season of the show if you don't see one of the main cast members? I get that in real life you wouldn't see someone who said that your husband beats the shit out of you, but in reality TV world you have to. We got a little progress with Meghan coming back onto the scene which was probably one of the most underwhelming returns ever.

We started with Meghan, Tamra and Shannon meeting for the first time in 4 months because Meghan 'had a baby'. No. They haven't seen her in 4 months because Meghan's ass got demoted and only just got her orange back! Meghan's cousin/nanny was there with that baby. Literally nothing of any substance happened at this lunch. Meghan invited the girls to her 'sip and see' and said that Vicki will be there, which was met with silence. That was it. Meghan in general pisses me off, all she talked about this episode was soap and babies. I'm not watching housewives for soap and babies so Meghan either needs to step up her game or give that orange back!

Lydia went to Hawaii and I have no idea why the cameras needed to follow them because all we got out of that trip was her talking to her kids about sex and asking her husband to 'cut his balls off'. We found out some tea that Lydia didn't have sex till she was married. Every time someone says they waited till they were married I just think back to Charlotte and Trey from Sex and the City and we all know how that turned out. So while Lydia was talking to her 8 year old about sex, Vicki was talking doing the same with her 28 year and it was just as horrible as you would think.

Kelly Dodd took her mom to some sort of seniors centre which I guess is her storyline? Her mom is 68 and just sits at home which makes Kelly thinks she's going to die. Like how does Kelly's brain work? I was low-key living for this scene though, on account of how the girl at the senior centre was judging Kelly. Don't get me wrong Kelly is probably my favourite in the OC but I don't think she knows how she looks sometimes.

Speaking of Kelly's brain, she decided to call Tamra because she's the "puppet master" and the reason why Kelly and Shannon can't be friends. Um no. Shannon and Kelly can't be friends because of: the 70's party, sushi night, the entire Ireland trip, the reunion and the Quiet Woman dinner. Thats why they can't be friends. But Tamra and Kelly made up which I knew would happen. Tamra knows how reality TV works. You have to forgive someone to help the show move along, I mean she's forgiven Vicki approximately 835 times. And did you guys catch that tea that Tamra peed herself when she yelled at Kelly in Ireland? I'm getting Vicki in Mexico throwback vibes. Speaking of throwback vibes, I'm pretty sure that Bravo showed the Quiet Woman dinner flashback maybe 70 times, and I am so here for it.

Hmmm, what else happened? Oh that lamborghini event. So Peggy designed a car that she will probably drive twice before she gets a new one and had a party just to show it off. Everyone was surprised at the yellow car but let me tell you, it was 1000% better than that ugly white and black car she's been driving around in. Only Vicki, Lydia and Meghan attended the event so nothing that watchable happened. Meghan was talking about the Ireland trip and Peggy was like 'you and Vicki both went to Ireland?!' like come on. Your telling me you decided to be an OC housewife and you've never seen an episode? Yeah okay. And what was Meghan wearing? Bitch looked like a chess board!

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Photo Credit: Bravo