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Brandi Glanville On Slapping Lisa Vanderpump: “I F---ed Up. I Own That”

Brandi Glanville is taking to her Bravo Blog to dish on this week's episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Brandi talks about the many personalities of Lisa Rinna and the incident she truly regrets. Brandi writes:

"Hey Guys,

Just got back from a beautiful Cabo weekend, and it was great mixing pleasure with work. I was down in Mexico with my wine producers, and we have nothing to report but good news. Wish I could have taken you all there with me. I went exploring on my own (#lost) and had a few exciting adventures. After my short trip, I think I may need a longer vacation getaway with no cell phone or emails for at least a week. But who doesn’t, right?

Here we are again: the blog, still in gorgeous Amsterdam, and still knee-deep in drama.
Unfortunately, our reality took over pretty quickly. Who you travel with controls the mood of the trip like nothing else. I wish certain people could let things drop, but it is what it is. As you will see, some people can pretend like things never happened, and others want to replay them over and over in case we didn’t hear it the first, second, and third time.

I think you can see that at this point of the trip I was just over it and wanted to be home with my family. I was really just phoning it in at this point and tired of the constant bickering, fakeness, hypocrisy, and overdone soap-opera dramatics.

The thing that I see the most is that there are three different Lisa R. personalities. The first is the bubbly, cool chick I had on my podcast and really liked. The second is the one who uses a soft, convincing actress voice to label people she barely knows as addicts, insane, and white trash every week for our entire time together. These labels were because she “CARES.” The third Lisa R. is the one that said, "Why is everyone afraid of Kim Richards?" and now says, "Kim Richards scares me!" This is the same personality all the other women seem to excuse the most and have to literally physically restrain from violence…This last one is the same Lisa R. taking angry potshots at people online and on Twitter since November. I guess some people that wear that little red string on their wrist just pretend to study Kaballah? I have friends that actually do study it, and they are pacifists. Don’t worry she deleted her many crazy Tweets pretty quickly, but they’re out there. We all know once you delete something it lives forever. I seriously need a chart to figure out who Lisa R. really is and which personality we have to deal with on the daily. Her multiple-personality disorder is so confusing.

Lisa V. is only two different people. One is the lewd, bawdy English chick with the wicked sense of humor that I love, who made a speech alluding to all the BJs she gave to win her virtual Daytime Emmy. The one that cracks sex jokes 'round the clock, exaggerates fake sexual exploits, and uses self-deprecating sexual humor all the while making fun of everyone else as well. I have a few Brit friends that I have known for many years, and I relate to them. I lived in Europe for over six years, afterall. Brits make fun of themselves with a dry, monotone voice and expect you to return the joke right back. It’s called banter. The more wicked, the better. If you can twist what they say right back to them, they love it. It’s never serious and never taken as an insult. So, we have the Lisa V. who does this 'round the clock since I met her, but now, depending on the moment, we have a second Lisa V. who pretends a colorful joke is a serious insult. She is now shocked when people, or just me (and maybe Stassi), repeat exactly what she has said previously. It’s a convenient shock, reserved for people on her hit list, which she turns off and on like a light switch. Like I said, her two personalities are exhausting. Now she’s on Twitter pretending to clutch her pearls (or, in her case, diamonds), acting like the Queen of England saying I accused her of cheating on King Ken. Officially, here you go Lisa V.: I have never ever said that, never thought it, and you know it’s complete and total BS. I was just continuing a long-running joke that you started with me years ago. Ridiculous.

This whole episode I can only feel bad for Yo. She went to such trouble and did so much planning to make everything perfect, and it just wasn’t the right time for us to all be traveling together. I really want to take Yo back to Amsterdam and just have her show me everything. That would be a perfect trip, and I know for a fact we would actually have a really good time, because we get each other.

Yo’s private boat dinner should have been perfect, and I tried to save it three times. I didn’t succeed, but I tried. The tension was so thick, it was impossible. Before dinner, I tried to do a round-table example of how all of us have been unfairly labeled in one way or another. I went around the table exaggerating our labels and was about to say, "Other people’s negative labels are all BS. We should just let them go and try to move on." Eileen SEEMS smart enough to know where I was going. I was trying to defuse the whole thing, making us seem equally mislabeled and level the situation. This Emmy winner clearly needed her moment and had to pull out the soap opera acting card by interrupting me dramatically. She cut me off and stole the scene to try and make it all about her, instead of all us having a moment to agree we’ve all been stuck with unfair labels at one time or another. Eileen’s constant LAME soap opera dramatics and “How dare yous!” can be filed under fake bad acting and completely exhausting.

I then tried a positive game where we all compliment each other. Even if I don’t believe they are all good on the inside, I knew I could compliment them on their esthetic. Hey, I was trying my very best. I really was trying, but I truly just wanted to be back at the hotel facetiming with my boys. I didn’t want to hear what these women had to say to me about me in a positive way, because I don’t believe, other than Kim and Yolanda and maybe Lisa V. at one point in the past, that they really understand me. Then after the game, everyone mellowed out and started to leave. Lisa V. and I were actually laughing and starting to have fun on the “Love Boat.” I fell into the old pattern of being super silly with Lisa V. I felt connected to her again and randomly was playing out a scene with her asking for a Julie-style kiss. She was playing back with me like old days, not giving the kiss when she said she was going to smack me. This thought had never crossed my mind, because I am a kisser…The moment got the best of me, and I took her suggestion and ran with it… MISTAKE! I apologized immediately and immensely and continued to for an hour and weeks after. Maybe we were all possibly in a soap opera time warp. I was asking Lisa V. for a kiss and to make up Love Boat style. I NEVER would have thought of smacking Lisa had she not said it herself. You can obviously see us happy, giggling, being affectionate, and playing like we use to. You can also see how Lisa V. changed personalities and was cool with me as soon as the others had walked ahead. I was JOKING and told her we should kiss and finally make up! I NEVER EVER planned to smack her… However, regardless of the circumstances, I did and apologized immediately and profusely when I saw both of our reactions. I f---ed up. I own that.

Lisa V. took what happened straight to the other women. They are all now trying to get as much mileage out of this as they can. Why so much drama about this wrong, but playful, moment? Notice that none of the other women in last week’s blogs or even on Twitter mention Lisa R. physically attacking/assaulting Kim or myself across the table? Not one word. Had we been blinded by the glass, maybe the tone would be different. But alas, we weren’t, so everything you saw last week never happened. #doublestandard #hypocrisy

What else? We see Eileen get bent out of shape when people accept apologies, make peace, and agree to go shopping for a day. I guess it doesn’t fit her dramatic agenda. Next Dr. Eileen and Dr. Lisa R. have a strong talk with Kyle about her and Kim's relationship issues (TALK ABOUT COMING BETWEEN TWO SISTERS), telling Kyle she should basically drop her own sister. They both admittedly barely knowing Kim and Kyle, but have now labeled Kim as “abusive,” because she finally spoke up and told Kyle she has not been supportive lately. That is not even close to abuse. More BS agendas and labeling. I say if you spot it, you got it, and these two actresses need to check their own closets for skeletons and stop worrying about everyone else.

Today is a good day, one of my favorite days: grocery shopping day! Yep, now you know my secret: grocery shopping is one of my favorites things to do. I would never let anyone do my shopping for me. I think of my boys the whole time, imagining dinners and what we will cook together. It's family happy thinking for me. I’ve got my coupons ready, and it’s the day to get the best deals (knowledge that is a benefit of having a father who worked in a grocery store for over 30 years). After this, I get to pick up my two hungry boys and make memories (cook dinner).

I will soon be experimenting on pairing entrees with MY new Chardonnay! Get ready to see my wannabe chef/foodie side come out.

Super excited about my new Chardonnay, Unfiltered Blonde, which is about to launch and can’t wait to share it with you. After the reunion, you’ll definitely need a glass or three.

Until next week."

What do you think about Brandi’s blog?

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesday nights at 9/8c only on Bravo

Source/Photo Credit: Bravo