RHOCheshire Episode 7 Recap: The Art Of War

By Chris Adelaide

Disclaimer: This contains dark humor and lots of shade - the recap is based only on the opinion of the author, not to be taken so seriously!

Welcome to another recap of The Real Housewives Of Cheshire. Is anyone else a little exhausted by certain people on this show? Well, if I wasn't already, after this episode, I'm officially over the behaviour of two of these Housewives. Let's read on and guess who they could be, shall we?


All of the women somehow survived the tears and tantrums of their trip to Peckforton Castle, so Lauren visits Ampika to dish about the drama she missed while in Arizona. She isn't surprised when Ampika tells her that she was the topic of conversation after her 'frozen eggs' disagreement with Dawn and she's pretty happy to hear that Ampika defended her. Ampika explains that she had mentioned to the other girls that Lauren may have had some issues in her marriage, but is clear that it wasn't to talk badly about her, just to let the other women know that Lauren is going through things. Marriage has it's ebbs and flows and Lauren's husband Paul still wants to move to Arizona, but she just isn't sure that moving to the other side of the world is the right step for them, especially as it'll mean having to uproot their children and leave her parents behind.

Ampika has some big plans of her own and is throwing a party to celebrate her salon Opium Hair & Beauty being open for a year, with many regular customers on the guest list, including Leanne, Tanya and Lauren. Following their disagreement, Dawn isn't invited and Ampika is pretty hopeful for her event to go smoothly without any awkward confrontations, though when they arrive, friends Nick and Royston aren't so impressed with her not inviting their mutual acquaintance Dawn. She explains that the party is for Opium clients and supporters, and in the whole year that it's been open, Dawn has never set foot in the premises, despite being invited previously. Royston says Ampika seems bitter, but everything she says makes sense. This is her party, she can invite whoever she wants.

Seemingly aware that yet again she isn't bringing much to the show, the hamster wheel in Leanne's head starts turning and she spills all to Dawn about Ampika's party. Dawn scrunches up her face at being snubbed, before claiming she hasn't been to the salon because she hasn't been leaving her house to see anyone - clearly she's forgotten the fact we've seen her attend every event on the show so far. Oh Dawn, you need to work on your excuses a bit more.

Still fresh from their Arizona trip, Paul has a big surprise for Lauren, a brand new Range Rover! His ribbon cutting skills are less than desirable, but Lauren is amazed by the surprise gift, though Paul is slightly nervous about his wife's previous track record and driving skills. It''s clear they are sparring partners, but it's all in jest.

Tanya interviews a slew of potential nannies and offers one a trial as she's going to an art show with the other women, though when she arrives she's pretty shocked by the horrific art on display. Lauren and Magali arrive soon after, and Magali is also taken aback by the art. When the artist says each piece sells for £25,000, she is stunned and literally looks around the room for anyone potentially buying it, and it's hysterical. Honestly, art is a matter of personal taste, but whomever buys one of these disturbing pieces potentially has issues, so I'm guessing Dawn could very well have one of them hanging on a wall at home. Just saying.

Speaking of Dawn, she's heading to the art gallery with Nick and Royston in tow, both of whom are clearly milking their fifteen seconds of fame for as much camera time as they can get. They suggest that Ampika may be jealous of Dawn and she says she feels attacked again, before sniffing and trying to force out even one single tear. If there was an Oscar for playing a victim, Dawn would be a shoe-in to win. Sidenote: Why would Ampika ever be jealous of Dawn - what is there to be jealous of, really?

Back at the art show, Tanya tells Leanne that Ampika won't be attending as sadly her father-in-law has passed away, just as Dawn arrives. She quickly divulges to them everything Nick and Royston told her in the limo, and when Tanya suggests she speak to Ampika about it rather than listen to rumours, Dawn tries to shut her down. She tells us in her confessional scene, that Tanya should be listening more rather than voicing an opinion, which is pretty ironic seeing as Dawn steamrolls over anyone else's view and gets mad when anyone dare disagree with her. Tanya makes it clear she would deal with it differently and directly,which is the sensible adult option, but Dawn just seems adamant to cause as much discord between everyone as possible yet again.

"I've not slagged anyone off," she remarks, yet that's exactly what she did about Magali in the very first episode, dragging her name through the mud to anyone that would listen, and now she seems intent on turning people against Ampika too. Mid-conversation, Dawn physically pokes Tanya and it sends her over her breaking point, walking away while Leanne whines that the last thing Dawn needs is someone else against her. Here's the thing: If so many people are against Dawn, there must be a reason for it, and the answer lies in her own behaviour towards them. You get what you give in this world, and as much as Dawn's family members can claim "it's all editing" on social media, editing can't control her actions and the vile words that have come out of her mouth.

The ladies all head to a nightclub and Leanne warns Tanya not to get too involved in the situation. Yes, the same Leanne that forced herself into the 'ticket-gate' issue with Dawn and Magali, and then made it about herself. Some of these women's lack of self-awareness kills me. Leanne doesn't want the argument to continue, but Tanya makes it clear she will not stand for Dawn's controlling and game playing behaviour, and just wishes Leanne could see that side of her. Lauren tries to explain that Dawn treats them all like peasants, but it's like they're speaking another language to her. Loyalty can be admirable, but Leanne's unjustifiable loyalty towards Dawn's incorrigible behaviour is nauseating.

The party is in full swing and everyone is having fun, though Dawn seems to be feeling bruised over Tanya daring to disagree with her, so she takes Magali outside to try and get her support. She tells her part of what happened, but leaves out anything that she was culpable for, and as hard as she tries, Magali isn't easily swayed. She won't be fighting Dawn's battles, especially after how Dawn had treated her earlier in the season.

Back inside, Lauren's husband Paul has made a surprise appearance and the women are intrigued to finally meet him. He makes a slightly awkward gag in response to the news of Ampika's father-in-law passing away, and while most of the women hide their uncomfortable giggles and declare him a "male Lauren", Dawn is seething and rolling her eyes. Paul queries why she is so quiet and she tells him she's just listening, while she tells us in her confessional that she just doesn't want to talk to a 'knob' like him. She leaves for the bathroom, and Tanya astutely points out that Dawn's mad because she's not the centre of attention. Yes, the tables are finally turning on Dawn - possibly one of those same tables that Leanne allegedly used to dance on.

Everyone seems to be enjoying the night until Dawn confronts Lauren about their previous disagreement. She just can't seem to fathom that anyone would dare call her stories 'boring', and Lauren tries to give her her take on the frozen eggs situation. She feels that she needs to lighten up, and Dawn, who never stops talking, just wants Lauren to let her speak. Oh, the irony. Dawn tries hard to claim Lauren doesn't listen, but she isn't her mother and has no right to tell her what to say, especially considering her own history of talking badly.

While they continue to hash things out, Magali goes to get the real story of what happened at the art gallery from Tanya.Tanya tells her about everything, including #pokegate and it's clear Dawn doesn't tell everything to someone's face like she claims. Tanya points out that Leanne only fell out with Magali because of Dawn, and as bad as Magali was hurt by Dawn's witch hunt against her, she knows that in time Leanne will be wronged by Dawn and see her true colours too.

After TWENTY MINUTES of Dawn's endless ranting, Lauren has finally had enough, but luckily Paul comes in to save her. Lauren tells him about the whole ridiculous frozen eggs discussion, and Dawn quickly tries to turn the attention to Lauren and Paul's marriage.He tells her straight that nobody is in a position to comment on their marriage, and Dawn tries to make out as if Lauren has been telling stories to Ampika about him, but it's not washing with them. Their relationship may not be understandable to everyone, but it is THEIR relationship. Paul asks Dawn about her 'millionaire footballer' husband jokingly, and it instantly hits a nerve with Dawn. Not content with attacking just the women on the show, she then brands Paul a 'Chauvinist pig', and though this title is completely unjustified, he shrugs it off and jokingly agrees with her.

 Lauren and Paul are both disgusted with Dawn at this point, and as a long-time Housewives viewer, I am beyond sick of her too. I know not everyone agrees with my take on this show, and I don't expect you to, but a manipulator like Dawn has a limited lifespan on a Real Housewives show. There comes a time in every show where viewers are finally sick of seeing someone cause problems, and just seven episodes in, I am physically exhausted of Dawn's constant aggression, and Leanne's blind justification of somebody that doesn't deserve an ounce of it.

Next Time: "The Dawn" faces up to her actions. Will she own up to anything? When Chauvinist Pigs fly.

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Photo Credit: ITVBe