Disclaimer: This contains dark humor and lots of shade - the recap is based only on the opinion of the author, not to be taken so seriously!
We start this weeks' episode exactly where last weeks ended: Dawn is sulking in her room after Lauren and Ampika's views on her wanting to freeze her eggs. If Botox hadn't killed her tear ducts, she would be crying in her room - but hey, you can't win them all.
Aware that cameras followed Dawn to her room, Leanne chases behind, revealing that she too has been trying for a baby the last few years. They both slam Lauren for her 'frozen pizza' comment regarding the possibility of the mother of four freezing her eggs. Dawn may not be pleased with Lauren, but she's not loving Ampika either. She clearly isn't used to other people having differing views or opinions, as nobody around the table attacked her, but she sure would love us to think they did. The dinner is in disarray as Tanya and Lauren have also left the table, leaving just Magali and Ampika to discuss the unexpected drama over dessert. Magali feels Dawn needs to be more realistic about things and Ampika is just frustrated with how stubborn Dawn is being. She's confident that Dawn will not listen to anything someone else has to say and this side of Dawn is making her question their friendship.
Leanne is in the bathroom when Lauren and Tanya come in, and Lauren is instantly branded a 'Trouble causer'. Leanne explains her pregnancy attempts, including a miscarriage, and Lauren changes the subject, which causes Leanne to walk out.Tanya tells Lauren it's a sensitive situation, but Lauren is strong in the fact that if it is so sensitive, Leanne should stop talking to her about it. To Lauren, the bathroom just isn't the place for such a serious conversation - it's for peeing and putting on lipstick. These women really do have a habit of arguing in bathrooms, don't they?
Leanne and Dawn rejoin the dinner table, and Dawn claims that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Are they Dawn? Ampika's facial reaction to that gem calls 'Bullshit' on the comment. "I've had the very last conversation I'm going to have about my hysterectomy", Dawn states, but surely you should just stop bringing it up in conversation if you don't want to talk about it? When Lauren and Tanya return, Lauren instantly tries to break the ice and explain that because she doesn't want another child, she just doesn't understand that someone else would. She knows it's maybe a silly way of thinking, but that's just how she views things and she never meant to offend Dawn or Leanne with anything she said. Dawn doesn't look forgiving at all, and Magali explains to us that "Sorry" seems to be the hardest word for anybody to say in Cheshire. Now if only Dawn and Leanne would say "Sorry" to Magali for unnecessarily dragging her name through the mud every week on this show, because that is something that truly deserves an apology.
It's the morning after the looooooong night before, and Lauren and Ampika have split from the rest of the group to try out falconry, though Lauren isn't that impressed by the scary bird, even if it is called Carlos. Lauren is leaving the Castle in the evening to fly to Arizona and be with hubby Paul, and she's pretty excited to be leaving the vultures (Dawn and Leanne) circling around looking for other prey to attack. She feels bad about leaving Ampika and Magali behind, but she and us viewers both know that those two strong women can more than handle themselves.
Meanwhile, Tanya has arranged for the remaining women to try out duck herding, something that even Tanya herself isn't excited about. Dawn and Leanne team up (surprise surprise) and Magali is confident that she and Tanya will have fun with this. Dawn seems to love controlling people, so one would think she would be perfect at this task, but who needs ducks when there is an evening full of drama to dissect? Tanya and Magali bond over how entertaining the dinner was, and Magali is just thankful that for once she wasn't in the middle of the argument. Tanya can barely remember some of the night due to alcohol, but isn't so sure Magali's suggestion to stop drinking is the right plan when dealing with these women. Magali and Tanya entertainingly attempt to herd the ducks, and for once, it's nice to see all of the women laughing together. Again, talk turns to Lauren, and Dawn is starting to feel that she is devious and calculated, and is pretty pleased that she'll be leaving for Arizona soon. If 'devious' and 'calculated' can be used towards any of the women on the show, it's most certainly not Lauren, Magali, Ampika or Tanya. Sorry Dawn, but people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Following the duck herding disaster, the four women go on a nature walk where Dawn is suddenly talking to the person she has been slamming constantly: Magali. Could it be that now that Lauren and Ampika are both starting to turn their backs on Dawn, she feels she needs support? It sure comes across that way to me. It may just be a conversation during a walk, but everything seems calculated and planned when it comes to Dawn, especially after how she berated Magali to everyone before.
Before leaving for Arizona, Lauren visits Leanne and attempts to clear the air. She understands why Leanne was upset, especially as she had experienced a miscarriage herself, but she still finds Dawn's need to be centre of attention boring - don't worry Lauren, we all find it boring. Leanne is glad Lauren apologised but will be keeping it in the back of her mind - so expect to hear Leanne bring it up for the next four episodes. Zzz.
With Lauren gone, the remaining ladies meet for dinner and Ampika starts the meal off by paying homage to her, while Dawn twitches in her seat and pouts. She thinks Lauren is in her own world, and when Ampika tries to explain that people can't be changed, Dawn just disagrees and talks over her. Ampika isn't willing to let her friend be spoken badly about, so she divulges to the women that Lauren had visited her the week before and discussed potential issues in her marriage, like her husband wanting to move to Arizona. Leanne and Magali, whom both moved for their husbands, feel that it can be the right thing to do as long as it's what both people want, and when Ampika asks them if they think Lauren and Paul are equal partners, they all say No.
The possibility that Lauren could be having marital problems still isn't enough for Queen Dawn to excuse her rude behaviour, and now she seems intent on challenging Ampika on everything she says too. Tanya feels Dawn shouldn't talk about Lauren when she isn't there and Dawn snarls back that she will tell her to her face. The air turns cold as Dawn and Ampika both glare at one another, so Tanya changes the subject and asks if they all enjoyed their stay at Peckforton Castle, while Dawn side-eyes Tanya for even daring to mention that she enjoyed being with Lauren.
Poor Tanya does whatever she can to lighten the mood, and changes the subject to relationships, when Dawn asks what the women would do if their partners cheated. While Tanya confesses she would go Lorena Bobbitt on his manhood, Magali asks if by cheating, she means dirty sex cheating or an actual relationship. The term 'dirty sex' throws Ampika, and the women explain it would refer to a one-night stand versus a continuous cheating relationship. Tanya is adamant, regardless of whatever cheating it was, he would be penis-less afterwards. You better behave, Phil!
Dawn says that despite everything, she'll leave the castle feeling that she has enjoyed the trip. Ampika responds that this is the first time Dawn has been relaxed and listened to anyone, and her face suddenly changes again. She doesn't understand what her friend means, as Ampika tries to explain that she finally seems relaxed, but was frustrating to talk to last night. She attempts to tell Dawn that she sometimes doesn't listen and talks over the others, and Dawn then resorts to speaking over her while asking when she would ever do that! Oh the irony.
Tanya, Magali and Leanne (yes she's still there, as boring as ever) all look uncomfortable as the conversation goes around in a circle with Dawn refusing to acknowledge the way she behaves. Magali feels the women just need to start a new chapter and respect one another, and she's right, but Dawn is sure that Ampika has a problem with her and just can't let it go. She is figuratively throwing her toys out of the pram and Ampika is handling her with kid gloves, because Dawn just can't handle any kind of criticism. Sorry, but Dawn's attitude is insufferable and, as a viewer and avid Housewives fan, she is even making me want to stop watching the show.
Next Time: Dawn's uninvited; friends are two faced and Paul is attacked by Dawn. Yes, even the husbands are in her firing line now - gross!
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What did you think of The Real Housewives Of Cheshire this week? Leave a comment below and let us know what you think!
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