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Recap: Vanderpump Rules Season 2 - Episode 11: Three Nice Things About Kristen, Even Though She Called Me An Ass

by: Joshua Pramuk

Another #PumpRules recap coming at you, because I sent for it. The title of this week’s episode is The Ultimatum. We pick up at the dinner (I refuse to say birthday this week) that Tequila Katie (thx Scheana) walked out of. Stassi is annoyed, and is basically just so mad that Katie got upset 'for attention' Stassi I think she's still drunk so she won't be able to 'let it go,' I agree with you Kristen, because I wouldn't want to ruin Stassi’s Day. That wrath I do not want.

Kristen goes out to talk to Katie about leaving the table. Kristen says “why would you do that”, and Katie intimately jumps on the defensive. “Jesus Christ I didn't come out here to be yelled out.” No Katie, your drunken ass wants attention, Stassi was right. Can't believe I just said THAT. Stassi is pissed, refuses to 'go out' She walks up on Kristen and Katie. Katie says “you don't get to give me dirty looks just because it's Stassi Day”. Stassi if that was anyone else you'd pull out a shiv and cut a bitch. Screaming issues about how Katie wasn't there... umm yes she was she just decided to leave, Kristen is trying to be the peacemaker but she can't get a word in edge wise because we are on planet Stassi.

Stassi did tell Katie before the dinner to be chill, and she wasn't. Love that Stassi says “I've spent the last few days being so patient with you, for you to call me cruel is ridiculous” Schwartz is followed Katie just to make her happy. He's so insanely cute right now. 'You’re my stars and my moon.' More like your cocktail in human form. Cut to SUR. Where the double fisted shaketress Ariana is killing it! All the crazy has gone south of the border, but it's still going to affect you girl. She says she rather be serving shots then having shots thrown in her face by Kristen. Lisa who looks like the queen she is, says she knows her sh*t because Ariana is great. They have a nice little interaction. Lisa says maybe she should make Ariana manager, Ariana face says hell no.
Back at Cabo Stassi is getting in bed, she doesn't want to do anything. So guess who saves the day Scheana. She knows how Katie can be, so the girls decided to go for a swim. I've been wondering when Scheana would talk to Kristen. She tells me she did in the pool, they cleared the air. Yay! Glad for that! Jax comes too talk to Stassi. He even says “basically she wants to screw with someone else's life because her trip has been such a shit show”. She keeps asking Jax to tell her about Tom Sandavol and Ariana. Jax will say anything to be in Stassi's good graces, and if something did happen, it’s so Vegas three years ago. Jax says he'd rather screw over his friend then piss off the entitled princess who doesn’t want him. Only on Planet Stassi does any of this make sense.

Seriously, Stassi? You don't want to try to help Kristen, you want to hurt her. Kristen, I think after the how good of a friend you were to Stassi, she should of had more reservations about butting in your relationship. Stassi is telling all the girls except Kristen that Jax told her something happened. Scheana says she doesn't believe it. Neither do I Scheana, neither do I. Stassi then goes right outside to tell Kristen knowing it will send her in a 'tailspin' Stassi is cut throat!

Stassi it's such b.s. how you are sometimes. Kristen says she always knew something happened. Kristen girl you hate Ariana, but she says she wants you to be happy and get the help you need! Kristen asks for a bottle of tequila. I guess it's no longer Tequila Katie, it is now officially tequila Kristen...

Scheana yasss honey screw Jax's ish up!! She goes to the boys room and says Jax what did you say to Stassi? Jax the liar he is says he said nothing. So Scheana blows his shit up, and I love it! He can gossip behind people's back but she straight up says what Jax told Stassi right in front of Sandoval. Choose your battles wisely Jax because Scheana is better at this than you! Sandoval, tells Jax deal with it! Jax says “if something was taking out of context he's not responsible”. Dude you just told Stassi Sandoval slept with Ariana!!! Now you’re back tracking? Attention seeking. That's all you are.

Jax also says THAT he will make it right. They are going to lunch all of them and Kristen calls Jax over and tells him to tell her exactly what he knows. More 'I just heard' and 'I don't know for sure' Here comes Stassi in the mix. He says it was taking out of context. Kristen says she got text messages and phone calls. Tom Sandoval says nothing ever happened but Kristen refuses to believe him. Hey she trusts her 'friends'. Kristen says she can't work with Ariana, so she calls Lisa, and says she wants Lisa to choose Ariana, or her. Lisa says who does Kristen think she is? My thoughts EXACTLY at this point, there is no way Lisa is going to fire Ariana. Kristen, put the pettiness aside!

They are taking a boat ride and Kristen is happy because she has shots according to Katie. Katie!! Honey, your one to talk. Holy ish! Jax is bringing girls on Stassi's boat ride. HAHAHA! These girls are going to get it! Schwartz is getting a kick out of it and so am I. Harmless Jax! You did this to intentionally get to Stassi on Stassi’s Day! So Jax and the girls leave thank goodness. Spin the bottle the only kiss worth seeing Schwartz and Sandoval. Schwartz look like he enjoyed it!! Give me some of THAT! Lisa has looked amazing in EVERY SCENE! Looks good in this one as well! She's telling Guillermo about the 'ultimatum' and Guillermo says Ariana is AWESOME! Yes she is.. They call Ariana over to the table and Ariana says if she wanted Tom, she'd have him, and people would know about it. I believe that!

So Jax is bringing more 'skanks' to skid row and Stassi is pissed. I don't get it. Stassi why's it matter if he wants to get laid? Because your not. Scheana and Stassi having a convo about how Jax is the problem. Scheana girl he's a disgusting person to me as well. Peter! Nooo he just took a shot out of a girl’s ass. Kristen is having a blast in that BH dress. She looks amazing AT Skid Row!
Katie tells Kristen she doesn't want her to get back with Sandoval. But now it's the next morning and Kristen is missing because she's in bed with Sandoval! I mean it does make you look weak just because of all the things you said about how b it was over. Stassi, and Katie want Sandoval to be miserable. Kristen, I understand you LOVE HIM. Honey, you can't change that. Tom, I agree that Kristen can have sex with her boyfriend if she wants. Till next week :-)

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Vanderpump Rules airs Monday nights at 9/8c only on Bravo!

Photo Credit: Bravo