by: Joshua Pramuk
So this week the title of the episode is 'Sherlock Stassi'
scorned women can be the psychotic stalker like people. I see her digging until
she finds the truth. The episode starts where we left off last week, Stassi is
telling Kristen about the bombshell Katie dropped. Like I said last week
Kristen and Jax is totally unbelievable Stassi. Katie says it is a rumor,
Kristen not going ape shit about the rumor most likely means she didn't bang
your x Stassi. BTW Kristen just swore on her family she didn't do it. I for one
believe her.
Stassi tells Kristina once they go inside for drinks... is
this whole cast in immediate attention of AA classes? Stassi says she 98%
believing the rumor. I think she just wants a reason to cut Kristen out of her
life personally. I would need a f**ken drink as well if my best friend believed
a rumor like that. Stassi says she doesn't want to be around Kristen, but is
going to be friendly to her face. Isn't that just like an evil overtly
privileged 'Swedish princess'? Now we are at SUR. Lisa is checking on consumers
looking amazing. She's reading online reviews. Ohhh I want know who the bitch
was since the reviewer didn't leave a name. It was either Kristina, Katie,
Stassi or Kristen. I don't think Ariana worked there yet, and Scheana is way
nice to customers. Sooo Lisa is bringing in a secret diner! That's going to end
up good. The customer is always right I know that to be true.
Kristen girl you can play guitar! That was nice. Sandoval is
like Stassi believed that sh*t? I can't believe it either Sandoval, I believe
you when you say Katie gets creative when she's been drinking. Sandoval asks
Kristen now she knows how he felt because of when confronted Ariana about
sleeping with Tom even though he told her it wasn't true. It's good to see you
stand by your woman Sandoval.
Stassi and Peter are going to brunch. Katie and Tom Schwartz
are there as well. DAMN it Schwartz keep doing what doing because I personally
would like a piece of Schwartz Pie. Jax is walking in and Stassi invited him
just so she could get him drunk and try to get him to say he slept with
Kristen. Stassi who do you wanna be when you grow up? Nancy Drew or Miss
Marple? Everyone is getting messed up. It's like the super bowl of brunches.
Jax is so drunk really everyone is getting tore up. Stassi takes Kristina into
a room and admits to her she's struggling with the Jax/Kristen rumor, she knows
Jax would do that to her, yes honey we know, with strippers, porn stars,
ballerinas, and probably even his mail lady. Yet, she doesn't believe Kristen
would do that to her. Kristen can be a bitch but she seems like the type of
person that would be faithful. Hey, don't judge a book by the cover. Kristina
is totally throwing Kristen under the bus calling Kristen conniving. Girl, look
in the mirror and point the finger at yourself. Here's the thing Kristina you
are a total b*tch and you seem evil NOT smart.
Jax is dancing on a bar with his shirt off at brunch. Hmmmm
brunch is the most fun time to munch, or in this case get drunk. Lisa is
interviewing a world class chef. No surprise there Lisa you always look like
you just roll out of bed flawless. Lisa is hiring the woman to be the secret
diner. Lisa wants her to act like a disgruntled costumer. I'm going TO LOVE
THIS. Lisa says their mouths are always moving instead of their bodies. TRUTH.
Lisa cares about the way the staff treats regular costumers. I applaud that
because one day I will be eating at SUR.
Back to brunch and Stassi straight up asks Jax if he f**ked
Kristen. He says no but that doesn't hold any meaning with me because he is a
known liar. Its hilarious, Jax says that these women are attacking because they
are not having sex. I've said it before Stassi needs to get laid. Now this
Kristina bitch, she needs to go jump in lake Michigan and never come out. She
could be the Locke Ness Monster. I mean SHE IS. Comical break I need a beer.
This episode has me stressed.
Okay I'm back with Brooklyn Lager in hand and we are back at
SUR.
Lisa is chatting with Stassi, Stassi tells Lisa about Kristen and Jax. Lisa tells
us she's heard it before! Hold the phone. This is a side to Stassi I'm liking.
She doesn't know what to believe and Queen Lisa gives the best advice 'she's
your best friend, let it go.' Stassi, if you and Kristen have been best friends
for four years like you say I DON'T see her sleeping with Jax, but Lisa saying
she herd the rumor was a totes WTF moment. Mind blown. Beer in hand.
Melina is coming in who's going to mess this up for SUR. So Scheana
is having a hard time working with The Orange Haired Nightmare and I can't
blame her. She's venting to Sandoval while she's suppose to be serving Melina.
GET YOUR ASS ON THE FLOOR SCHEANA. I don't want anything bad to happen to you
because you f'n rock. Scheana is getting Melina drinks. OMFG you didn't just
say if that one's too spicy I'll drink it and bring you another one hahaha, I'm
literally laughing my head off. Scheana why? Why girl? Melina stops Katie, and
asks for the corn fritters, but Katie goes straight to Sandoval and Scheana to
apologize for ALL the hateful ugly things she's said INSTEAD OF PUTTING IN THE
ORDER. OMG. Scheana tells her you should apologize because you were a hateful
monster and your hair doesn't help the situation any. Melina and her friend are
going from the bar to the restaurant.
As soon as she walk in the restaurant you see Jax texting on
his phone. All of these people think they don't have to work when the boss is
out. Wrong... I can't wait till Lisa hears about it. Stassi is Melina's server.
She goes straight up to Jax and says 'I know you're lying and you banged her'
right in front of Melina. I can't stop shaking my head and laughing at the same
time. BTW guys Stassi recommends the crispy chicken. The lady dining with
Melina says her jalapeno margarita taste like a regular margarita and Stassi
straight up says that's because Jax made it. How do you mess up a jalapeno
margarita? I shouldn't be surprised I mean look at his love life.
The women order their food, and then Stassi puts in the
order but Scheana walks over and ask Stassi to talk. This is a hot mess!
Scheana tells Stassi she doesn't appreciate that Stassi didn't stand up for her
while Katie talked trash. Bravo! A real friend would have your back no matter
what. That just shows you Scheana, Stassi is as fake as her waxed vag. Stassi
says she's sorry. Scheana says she thinks Kristen did sleep with Jax because
she doesn't think Kristen is the best friend. That may be true Scheana, but she
seems loyal to the core. Scheana says she'll always be there for Stassi. Gag me
please.
Melina says the service at the restaurant is way better than
the service at the lounge. Poor Scheana. Katie now walks over from the lounge
to apologize to Jax, but really lesbehonest how long before she gets drunk and
acts like trash again? Jax says let's just forget about it. He's good about forgiving
and forgetting. Probably because he's not a girl, Melina decides the drinks
were better at the lounge, all the food was good, but the corn fritters at the
lounge took to long. Too much running of the mouth just like Lisa said.
Lisa is in the building and Scheana is caught under fire.
Scheana apologizes because she was annoyed that she was working with Katie she
promises to do better, Scheana says LeBron has an off night every once in
awhile so does she :-) love it. Next on her list Jax, Lisa is bloody pissed
about him being on the phone, and Lisa ends up saying she wouldn't put it past
Jax to give it to Kristen!! In her words 'it's hard to objective' OMG I think
Lisa knows it is true! She just insinuated that it's true. It just keeps
coming! Katie, is telling Stassi that she doesn't really want to lose Kristen
as friend but if it turns out to be true she's going to stop being friend with
Kristen. Why though because Kristen didn't sleep with Schwartz, but I'd hit it
Katie FYI.
Stassi's crazy ass drives over and tells Kristen to give
Stassi her phone because Stassi's bright idea is to text Jax from Kristen's .
Actually it's a good idea a little psycho but do you expect anything less?
Kristen says she has nothing to hide. Tells Stassi to take her phone. Scheana
decides she wants a princess cut diamond in a halo setting, but she is a
perfectionist about her ring! Congrats Scheana and Shay!!! Stassi is waiting
for Jax's text and when she gets the confirmation that Kristen didn't bang Jax!
Yay! I knew she wouldn't do it! Called that, and Stassi you should of trusted
your best friend. I would have. Next week looks amazing! Ariana will be back
bitches and so will I.
Follow Joshua on Twitter: Follow @jponfire28
Vanderpump Rules airs Monday nights at 9/8c only on Bravo!
Photo Credit: Bravo
