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iRealHousewives Interviews Twitter Parody Account: Faux Mama Elsa

Hello Readers, welcome to iRealHousewives. For the month of October in the spirit of Halloween, I’ve been posting parody interviews with some of the most hilarious Twitter parodies of the Real Housewives franchise. Please note these interviews are not meant to offend anyone, this is just for entertainment purposes only. Beware some of the questions or answers might be either, harsh, direct but it’s all for fun. It’s not intended to disrespect or offend anyone.
So far I’ve interviewed Jody Klaman, Caroline Wacko, Christina Ciesel, and The Manzo’s Checkbook. Let me introduce to you to the hilarious adorable FAUX MAMA ELSA. Everyone knows the spiritual and fabulous Faux Mama Elsa, she is our mother, our spiritual guiders, but don’t piss her off or she will hit you with her pocketbook. Check my interview with Faux Mama Elsa…
iRH: Hola Elsa. Como estas?
FME: Hello, hola. I feel gooood.  
iRH: Can I call you Mama Elsa or just Elsa?
FME: Ay dios mio, only my paper flowers can call me Mama Elsa. You are one of them on Twister. I approve.
iRH: How’s your day going so far?
FME: My spirit has been traveling over Nueva York today protecting all my paper flowers' belongings from the shoplifter Whorga. They have left their homes unprotected because of Sandy. I am exhausted. That stripper is relentless. 
iRH: You are quite a character. You are definitely a fan favorite. How does it feel to be loved by everyone in America and in the world?
FME: Ay dios mio, I can wear a Pucci dress and a cock (feathers) on my head like no other. I think the "ladies" who call me names are intimidated by my excessive beauty. D.Versace has become so obsessed she is trying to steal my face. I love my paper flowers who support me. They bloom in my Twister garden. 
iRH: Would you consider yourself a Victorian lady?
FME: I am an elegant Victorian lady. I am a weesh and an avocado. I am a mother to Marpy and Napoleon. I am a Coffee empresaria. I am a star. "Alright, Dandy Sandy, I am ready for my closeup." Paper flower, I see you are gasping with elation. Please don't get ramotional. 
iRH: Andy Cohen has mentioned how much he loves you. Do you still think he is still incapable of finding true love?
FME: Sandy is so angry he is attacking the East Coast. I think it's because the supermodelo Krupa Gone Wild called me the devil. I think Sandy is only capable of loving me. I approve.
iRH: Which RHOM housewife do you think is incapable of love?
FME: Ay dios mio. I think Freda only loves her pelotas. 
iRH: Which Real Housewife from any city do you think is incapable of love?
FME: Ay dios mio, Melissa, the stripper Whorga, is only capable of loving filthy red rags and cameras. She cheats on her Napoleon with them and she will steal your glitter eyeshadow. I have asked Dandy for police protection. I am afraid. 
iRH: Do you say you prefer Season 1 or Season 2 of RHOM?
FME: Ay dios mio, was there a Season 1? I fell asleep watching it. That is all. 
iRH: Do you stay in contact with Cristy or Larsa?
FME: WHO? I don't know them. I don't care. They sound like the stripper Whorga's co-workers from her "bartending" days. 
iRH: How do you feel about the new wives of RHOM Season 2?

FME: Marpy is a PR maven and a goddess with a fantastic Pucci chic weesh for a mother. I want feisty Adrianita to be my bodyguard. I like Lea but she needs to stop dressing like she's on the show Dallas(the 1980's version). She needs to hire Raquelita Zoe and pay her with food. Lisa gives me an inferiority complex and seems obsessed with becoming a Mini-me to Lea's Doctor Evil.
Joanna is a beautiful supermodelo. She needs to learn more about leather and loan me her Romain Noodles. I am a hungry Cougar Mama. Marta"Krupa Gone Wild" needs to become the spokesperson for Kleenex. (crying nonstop) According to my Marpy, Karentsita is a carrier pigeon. I plead the 5th. I like the cook. I think Anna should have a Chef cooking show on an adult TV channel. Alexia has been through a lot. My heart goes out to her.

iRH: Are you still babysitting Napoleon?
FME: Napo is asleep in the closet. He is in the middle of a midlife crisis so we increased his Xanax dosage and bought him a red glitter collar for puppies. I will reveal no more. He did not choose this cruel dog eat dog world. Woof. 
iRH: Is he still hiding in the closet and eating your xanax pills?
FME: Paper flower, are you not listening to my answers? I feel like I am sitting in the passenger seat of a limo and everyone is ignoring me. Hello? Hello? Hello?
iRH: This season we saw you dancing and dropping it like it’s hot with Adriana. Where did you learn to move that way?
FME: Ay dios mio, I learned to waltz in the late 1800's (Victorian). My Guayaba milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. I have moves that would make the stripper Whorga blush. 
iRH: What inspired you to create your coffee brand “Havana Elsa”?
FME: Energy rocks and Pucci dresses are not cheap. I am Cuban and I know good coffee. It's on, Estrellabucks! 
iRH: Is this interview too much for you? We can take a break and have Mimi sing for you so you can relax!
FME: Ay dios mio, I can lie down when I am dead. Let me enjoy myself. I will destroy you with my Hermes pocketbook and matching wallet! Que?! Mimi?! Sing........that's better. Please, resume, paper flower. 
iRH: Why do you use crystals and rocks and sand for meditation?
FME: Paper flower, are you trying to steal my Pucci essence? I will NOT reveal the secrets that are hidden in the cock (feathers) on my head! I will give you a cleansing when we are done with this interview. Mimi?! Porfavor! Bring the Goya rice.
iRH: Do you still consider yourself a witch?
FME: QUE? I am not a witch. I am a weeesh. Proceed. 
iRH: Would you say you’re the reason that RHOM got a second season?
FME: Ay dios mio! I am the show. I stole Sandy's heart and the women should send me bottles of Xanax, high quality alcohol, and bags of energy rocks in appreciation. There would be no RHOM without me!  
iRH: What are you feeling about Elaine Lancaster?
FME: THAT FILTHY RED RAG LOVING QUEEN?!!! I will hit her with my vintage Fendi tote! I like her and think James is hot. I approve. 
iRH: Were you offended that she couldn’t understand you?
iRH: What do you predict between Marysol vs Elaine and Lea?
FME: Marpy's PR firm will take over the world and she will replace all the filthy red rags with concrete. Elaine will go back inside a Jackie Collins novel and reemerge out of a Self Help book as a new woman. Lea will move in with Freda and become a pelotas hairstylist.
iRH: Out of all the housewives in all cities, which Housewife would you not want to associate yourself with and which housewife would you want to associate yourself with?
FME: I would not want to associate myself with the shoplifter Whorga. I love Phaedrita Parks. She can lawyer protect me from the Whorga and I too love a good pickle. Apollito, call me maybe. 
iRH: Does it ever bother you that people question your plastic surgeries?
FME: QUE? Are you saying my ears look like bananas? I am a natural beauty where it counts the most-inside. You must admit, paper flower, I am strikingly beautiful that way. 
iRH: So the question that everybody wants to know. You still think everything you drink you feel good?
FME: Ask Ramonja. I love Ramona Pinot (Ramotional, I want my year supply of energy rocks like you promised) It is the best wine in the world and Ramona Singer did not pay me to say that. Every day is turtle time and I feel gooood.
iRH: Can you throw rice at me so it can bring me positive energy?
FME: Stand still, paper flower. I will cover you with a pound of Goya juju fighting rice and spray you with P Diddy cologne.
iRH: You know iRealHousewives is a big supporter of Mama Elsa. Can you tell us anything that we might not know about you?
FME: An elegant Victorian lady can never reveal all her secrets. The cock on my head is real! Now my supermodelo will be angry. I don't care. Thank you for your support, my beautiful paper flower.
iRH: What’s next for Mama Elsa?
FME: I will open a Havana Elsa coffee VIP lounge/bar with Romain Noodles in the heart of Sobe. We will turn it into a chain that will force Estrellabucks to shut down forever!
iRH: If you had an intro line for RHOM what would it be?
FME: Intro- “I may be a Victorian lady but I can wear a Pucci and a cock in my hair like no other. I will hit you with my pocketbook. I don't care”
iRH: Can you tell us why should people follow you on Twitter?
FME: Who is Twitter? I don't know her. I don't care. Everyone should follow me on Twister at @FauxMamaElsa 
iRH: I just want to say muchas gracias mama Elsa for allowing me the opportunity of interviewing you in such a short notice, I predict many success in your future.
FME: Gracias to you, my lovely avocado. I appreciate the interview and the support. I foresee you will keep gaining in popularity in your blog and become even more successful.  
Disclaimer: Faux Mama Elsa is a parody account for entertainment purposes only. You can follow Faux Mama Elsa on Twitter at @FauxMamaElsa, you can also follow the real Mama Elsa on Twitter @ElsaPatton. This parody is dedicated to the fabulous Mama Elsa Patton!!
Photo Credit: @FauxMamaElsa