Hello Readers, welcome to iRealHousewives. For the month of
October in the spirit of Halloween, I’ll be posting parody interviews with some
of the most hilarious Twitter parodies of the Real Housewives franchise. Please
note these interviews are not meant to offend anyone, this is just for
entertainment purposes only. Beware some of the questions or answers might be
either, harsh, direct but it’s all for fun. It’s not intended to disrespect or
offend anyone.
So far I’ve interviewed the fur fabulous parody account Jody Klaman, Caroline Wacko and Christina Ciesel. Before we start this interview, I would like to alert my readers Manzo’s Checkbook reached out to me because she wanted to speak her side of the story. We are giving Manzo’s Checkbook the opportunity to let it all in this Exclusive interview.
iRH: Hi Manzo’s Checkbook. Thank you arriving to do this
interview. I know you had to walk away from Caroline’s Manzo’s purse. How are
you today?
TMCB: Today is not a good day. Jacqueline put out her blog, it
appears to be an attempt to not look like a lunatic who is obsessed with
Teresa-major fail. I'm afraid her appearance of instability will continue to
hurt the finances-which means I will continue paying the Laurita's bills until
they start filming again. Why do I do I pay the Laurita's bills? Because family
is important to my master Caroline-so she pays their bills so they will talk to
her.
iRH: How would you describe your relationship with the Manzo’s?
TMCB: It is definitely a hate-hate relationship. I don't care for
them, they hate it that I am broke, and I do embarrassing things like bounce
all over town and get declined at checkout.
iRH: How would you describe the Manzo's usage of you?
TMCB: Mostly my register
has debits that are cryptic. The majority say "Lauren's happiness" ,
as many as there are you would think the girl would be over the moon, but not
so much. I think if there was more money, I would definitely fill the
prescriptions for my master-Caroline. If she wouldn't take the pills that
reduce bitterness and hatefulness I would!!!!! I could probably make it through
the day easier.
iRH: What has been your biggest purchase that the Manzo’s have
done?
TMCB: Lately we've been paying for 'life coaches' for Jac, some
may call them security to keep her away from twitter, but the biggest on-going
purchases are for 'friends' for the kids. I mean boyfriends, girlfriends, and
just people for them to hang out with. We disguise that as salary and give them
a 1040 for working at the brownstone-but it just adds to the monthly nut.
Occasionally we have debits for $150.00 beers at Lookers, then a month or so
later a big payout to someone named 'Sally'.
iRH: Which of the Manzo's uses you the most?
TMCB: Uses or abuses? My master Caroline writes all the checks,
the others just whine around her. Occasionally I overhear blackmail threats
over the phone-trust me coming up with the hush money lately has been very very
tough. Thank god we finally got paid for an article, I was behind in paying
Vito-when that happens he doesn't take Lauren's calls and then things get
reallllllyyyyy ugly.
iRH: Has there’s been any purchases you've wished to decline?
TMCB: Yes, specifically that dress Lauren wore to the RHONJ S4
reunion? Yikes it made my eyes burn!!!!! what was worse, I had to go dress
shopping with her. Not only was it horrendous for the obvious reasons, but she
decided to put me in her back pocket-and let me tell you, she had a serious
case of butt juice. When they say 'living hell' they are referencing that day.
iRH: Has any of the Manzo's used you for anything else besides
making a purchase?
TMCB: I don't mean to keep going on about Lauren, but I have no
money so until the bravo check gets in I don't get used a lot (because no one
is stupid enough to take a 'post dated check') so I spend a lot of time in the
bottom of my masters purse-and stuff 'sticks' to me. Lauren picks 'used' milk
duds off of me, and then uses me as a toothpick. That's the worst.
iRH: What's been the most repeated purchase made from the
Manzo’s?
TMCB: Well I'm a little concerned about sharing info on this one,
you said 'who has been most repeated purchases' As you know the Gorgas lights
where turned off, so their was a few days of pass the bikini bartender in the
living room.
I am saying I do believe master Caroline is delusional in
thinking a tiger can change its stripes-she had seen the mad skills of Mego and
thought if anyone could do it it would be Mego (ahhemmmm wrong)
So there was a three day time period was for services
performed 'handing a drink and getting a $100 tip'-what she didn't expect was
that Albert Vito and Chris wouldn't leave the room for three days and that bill
was huge!!!!-but Lauren honestly had the biggest tab. She had to leave and go
feed, and return, but the guys didn't leave AT ALL. But Mego seeing the
'opportunity' also asked for hefty hush money because someone of them preferred
to have their bikini bartenders to be men. But the check went to NJ Electric.
iRH: Have you ever been used to purchase Lap band or any types of
cosmetic surgeries?
TMCB: Well, three lap bands (two of which where made of titanium)
to date a couple more scheduled, fillers, ect, a LOT of man grooming for the
boys. Extensive hair removal for my master-she doesn't have the nerves to shave
her faces as she did in season one, and honestly is getting fearful for her
safety so she has removed all sharp objects from the house.
iRH: Has the Manzo’s ever used you to the point on putting your account
on overdraft?
TMCB: Hello! Where have you been for 3 years? Or the twenty before
that? There is a short period after a successful refinance that I feel I can
show my face in town-but it doesn't last long.
iRH: Have you ever been embarrassed by any purchases made by the
Manzo's? Is so, by who?
TMCB: Mostly the checks for the kids to have friends, with
facebook and twitter nothing is a secret anymore. Moving Ashlee to California
iRH: Which of the purchases did you enjoyed assisting the Manzo’s
the most?
TMCB: I was extremely excited to help the Gorgas with their light
bill!!!!!!! I didn't hear Lauren whine for 3 days, Big Al, Chris, and Vito
seemed very happy, I would say that was a win-win. The only part I didn't like was
being in the room while my master breastfeed Albie to help him overcome the
trauma.
iRH: How would you describe this season the RHONJ?
TMCB: I hid a lot from my master this year because I couldn't
stand the humiliation of being broke (or honestly the bedazzled with baby teeth
cover) so I feel my master took out her bitterness on other people who where
not to blame-It was me she was angry with, I should have been strong like
Teresa and faced Caroline, and given Teresa a break.
iRH: The Manzo boys are co-owners of BLK water. Do you feel like
they didn’t give you some credit after all you did make the purchase, am I
right?
TMCB: Clarification-I pay for friends, and 'friends' for the boys.
I pay the rent, food, utilities for the little love shack in Hoboken
iRH: Do you feel happy being Manzo’s checkbook?
TMCB: Excuse me did you spend the morning drinking with Jacqueline
or are you just a loon like her? Seriously would you be happy about your master
bedazzling you with the kids baby teeth?
iRH: If you could be any other housewives checkbook from any
city, who would you go to?
TMCB: First you should know I would be HONORED to be in Teresa
Guidice’s fabulous bags. The way my Master, Lauren, Jac, Melissa, Joe Gorga and
KatFish go on about her fabulous accessories, it is all true and more!!!!!!
Every where she goes, vendors approach her asking her to please wear their
fashions because she can totally rock it-and she is always so kind and
grateful. It would be awesome to be with someone who put in credits ALL THE TIME,
didn't write post dated checks, or didn't have to pay for her fabulous little
girls to have friends.
iRH: Anything you would like to address before we wrap this
interview?
TMCB: I've signed up for witness protection God willing I can get
out of this hell.
iRH: Thank you for doing this interview. You may go back into
Caroline Manzo’s purse!
Disclaimer: The Manzo’s Checkbook is a parody account for
entertainment purposes only. No overdrafts, withdrawals, or return checks were
done during the course of this interview. You can follow The Manzo’s Checkbook
on Twitter at @themanzoscheckb
